What I Learned In Film School.

How to budget time - but not until after I discovered I was in the middle of editing my production final half an hour after my Film Theory final exam had begun.

The value of money - I would have sold my own mother for the Arriflex Camera Package for the weekend. Both of my parents would have been required to get the lights, too.

To accept defeat - I should have given the equipment dude a blowjob, as that's apparently what it took to get a camera for more than 48 hours.

The difference between 'dissapointed' and 'bitter' - the difference between not making the cut for a specialized class and finding out that, during the selection process, the faculty lost my only copy of the film I had submitted for consideration.

Good penmanship - by forging somebody else's signature - usually that of a person higher up than me on the flatbed signup-sheet.

Endurance - engaging in a 16 hour shooting session, the day before a twenty page paper is due.

Camaraderie - and then going out drinking with my fellow film students.

Coherence under duress - before starting the paper.

Eloquence - fast talking my way out of the paper completely, after Endurance and Coherence failed and I passed out on the keyboard.

Schmoozing - by being such an amusing contributor to class the professor was willing to forgive the fact that when my paper was turned in, it smelled of stale beer and was covered in remnants of splicing tape.

Physical Strength - by having to be a production crew of one.

Flexibility - editing rooms are exceedingly small.

Imagination - "Gang-synch" - which is actually a legitimate piece of film editing equipment - sounds quite obscene. Combine their sturdy iron film-reel anchors with another imaginative, flexible film student and then legitimacy goes out of the window. Not that editing rooms have windows - fortunately.

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