Then again, many people contend that it's the things you don't have in common with your spouse is what holds a marriage together.
They are probably right. If I did everything with Alex, I'd probably get sick of him in short order. I just get the feeling that
we haven't been
The ongoing sloppiness of Casa Cthulhu, that would be a habit. Our mutual friends are a source of stability. I don't need to go tearing apart the status quo from the ground up - destroy bad habits, not stability. Just a little tweak here and there.
hell, I don't know what I'm talking about.
|Initial Question: How can I re-inspire myself?|
|Good fortune may be obtained by paying attention to minor details. Attempt lesser goals, practice moderation (but not excessive self-denial). Avoid overconfidence, bide your time and practice caution whilst solidifying your current position. You must depend on your own means - there is no outside help forthcoming). Be patient, and wait for a more favorable time.||Bringing individuals into a group is
beneficial. Inquire of the oracle again to see which area of development
will be of greatest benefit.
(Re-inquiry led to Kua 58 - true joy comes from within)
|Initial Interpretation: "Big things are made of little things" - it's one of my favorite sayings, actually. Focusing too much on overall target ("i.e., "The Novel" or "Ambitious Costume X"). Need to nurture and cherish the details and creative process, lest one overreach, become discouraged and burn out. Focusing on the details of the process can be annoying as I'm not used to having to work at being creative. But I can only improve myself by being patient and painstaking.|
|Neither trigram is particularly strong or well-balanced. Hm.|
|The hexagrams below are based upon the nuclear trigrams of the above. I extrapolated these as an experiment, although such an action can help clarify a subtle suggestion or trend within the initial hexagram.|
|Too many excesses are being indulged.
Too much of anything causes imbalances. If there is anything you can do
to moderate the use of power and reduce the excesses, good fortune will
The lake rises above the trees: The image of Preponderance of the Great. Thus the superior man, when he stands alone, Is unconcerned, And if he has to renounce the world, He is undaunted.
|The dark forces have undermined and
eliminated everyone except one good and virtuous person.
It does not further one to go anywhere.
The mountain rests on the earth: The image of Splitting Apart. Thus those above can ensure their position only by giving generously to those below.
Honestly, a bit of a stumper. The nuclear trigrams usually bring more
clarity but, at this point, they aren't. Perhaps because that initial
trigrams are pretty dam' clear. I'm particularly thrown by how opposite
the nuclear trigram for Pi (Joining, Supporting, Uniting) is.
One thing which is clear - as usual - is my all too-human habit of sulking and indulgence when in a funk - such as the ongoing unemployment funk. Too much time is spent doing foolish things - pottering around on the internet, etc - rather than being more constructive. I'm sleeping and staying up too late, and putting myself out of whack. The universe has provided yet another whack up the head with the Clue Stick.
|Actions to take: Read
those manuals! Spend time developing characters, or learning small
steps of Ambitous Costume X, whichever happens to be preferable at any
given time. Build solid foundations (technique, character, etc) before
moving on to larger projects - such as outlining. Slow and steady stands
a better chance of winning this particular "race".
Actions to avoid: Comparing myself to others. Everyone started at
the bottom, you just don't see that by the time they reach your
field of vision.
So, I was chatting with a pal the other day and - to keep the story as short as possible - he mentioned that he considered me a pushy person.
Pushy? Me? Foolishness! I thought.
I mean, really. I feel like I'm constantly scrambling to compromise, to stifle my own selfish impulses, to do the 'proper' thing. Okay, so a paragon of selflessness I ain't, but I find it almost laughable to hear myself described as pushy. Stubborn? Sure. Opinionated? No contest. But pushy? You've got to be kidding me.
A few moments' cogitation brought a
likely solution to light. Pushiness is an active, outwardly visible
thing - like being noisy - people notice it, remember it. However, when
one is willing to be reasonably laid-back or otherwise easy-going, well,
that doesn't stick in the memory nearly as well. Heaven knows I can
recall my last hissy-fit more easily than I can remember my last
I love my hubby, I really do, but yesterday I had one of those lurch moments. I got angry with him, then felt rather ashamed for being angry, then annoyed at feeling ashamed for not having an opinion in total agreement with my beloved. You know how it goes.
The situation was fairly simple. I had just spent the day with bellacrow and, at the end of the day, I received an invite to accompany her and her friends to Seidr - an oracular meeting apparently conducted in a Norse tradition (if I'm remembering aright). Attendees may ask questions of the oracle, with answers coming from deceased relatives or (at times) the Norse gods. Bella, bless her, saw the flicker of cynicism on my face and told me, with such obvious faith that, believe her, this stuff really happens, I couldn't help but be impressed by it - and quickly moved to rearrange my features into something more polite.
It sounded quite interesting, but I passed for two reasons. One, it sounded like something that I would need time to put myself into the right headspace for and a person who's in the wrong headspace shouldn't be at such events - out of politeness if nothing else. Secondly, after having talked about everything from wicca, to kemet, to shamanism with Bella that evening, I thought that all this might be of interest to Alex so, hey, ping me in three months when the next Seidr occurs, and maybe we'll both come.
Right, context is established.
So, I'm told Alex this, and mentioned Seidr and might he be interested in visiting? "Sure," he says, "but only to debunk it."
Lurch. Crunch. Huh?
I burned off 30 seconds in Purgatory by not saying. "Um, honey, aren't you studying shamanism? What's the difference between speaking with totem spirits and speaking with one's ancestors? How would you feel if I went to asweat lodge to 'debunk' the whole process?"
I didn't say that. Not a word. But I thought it real hard.
So, if I am invited to the next Seidr, I'll be leaving Alex at home.
Speaking with Bella was extremely interesting, and knocked a few flakes of rust off the spiritual side of my head. I have every intention of monopolizing her time at some point in the future. Bella practices the kemet and in the Norse tradition, and I'm very curious to a) learn about kemeticism that isn't part of the Kemetic Orthodox/House of Netjer tradition and b) learn how she juggles two very different belief systems under one roof. That's just plain interesting, that is.
|Initial Question: How can I best overcome cynicism?|
The Taming Power of The Great
Youthful Folly / Inexperience
Growing in strength through restraint and
perseverance. You will do well to assist others and undertake a major
project. Study ancient heroes and familiarize yourself with great
sayings of antiquity.
|When an inexperienced person seeks
guidance from an experienced teacher, they meet with success. If the
seeker doubts the teacher and presses, the student receives no response.
Through perseverance in learning, success is attained. Through
thoroughness in all-that-is-done, character is formed.
is an example of projection at its finest, I think. I threw the coins
after writing the bulk of the entry, above, and so I think this
combination/interpretation was almost inevitable. I will take this as
the pleasant omen that it seems to be. As I've said before, divination
rarely tells me something I didn't know already - it just tells me
things in a manner that are hard to ignore.
Emotion - positive and negative - comes from within, and that includes cynicism. Only I can overcome that. Rather than trying to overturn years of habit, my initial efforts should be to restrain negative thoughts and actions - and consider the reasons for their origin - and thus open a door for open-mindedness. Negative thinking can - and will - hinder spiritual development but that does not mean I should obliterate it entirely. Healthy skepticism is good, outright negativity is not.
Actions to take: Well, no duh, I'm going to be picking bellacrow's mind a bit, I think - but I've got to be careful to avoid that 'infatuation with that which is new' phase. And I'll start patching up my woefully inadequate knowledge of ancient Egypt. If nothing else, it'll help keep my brain from rusting shut during this intellectual drought. Otherwise, I'll do my best to avoid outside sources of negativity (love you, honey!) and argument for its own sake.
A typical few days. Brain-rotting inactivity, interspersed with moments of brightness.
Today is a bright spot, as it Alex's birthday. There are so many days - too many - when I take him for granted. But I'm so terrified of falling into some god-awful habit of co-dependency that I can't seem to help treating my hunny in what is, perhaps, a cavalier manner. But I love him to pieces and the notion of not having him around makes my chest hurt. So, I won't be letting him go anywhere...
I've been - slowly and carefully - reading the Richard Wilhelm translation of the Tao Te Ching. It's fascinating stuff, but also very tricky to grasp and understand - particularly once the book is put down. It's all well and good to be grokking ideas when the book is open and in front of me, but the trick is in absorbing and retaining this material for the entire duration of time when the book is closed.
Of course, the fact that Taoism seems to be up there with Zen Buddhism for ease-of-understanding is making things a bit tricky. My goal-oriented Western mind is having quite the time wrapping itself around, well, almost everything as I study the book. It's all incredibly interesting, and I can feel little bits of Lao Tzu clicking in my head as I read - which I consider a good thing. But I'm a long way off from any moments of sartori-like understanding.
But, as I say, the trick is holding on to those clicks when I'm standing in line at the train station, or buying groceries or doing anything other than studying.
So, of course, the writing project is totally stalled. But I'm used to that, so it's alright. Besides, I'm harboring a slight hope that if I can unclog my spiritual brain sludge, other matters will begin to unfold more freely. One thing at a time.
Sigh, so many classes, so little money. The local adult-education center is offering a fistful of classes that are very appealing - conversational French, introductory Italian, Tai-Chi for Goofy Westerners, etc. But they cost a bomb, particularly the language classes, which are supported only by student dues. I don't have $85 to spare for a language class right now, which is a shame, as I would like to brush up my French. The Tai-Chi class is a lot cheaper, but the scheduling is very awkward - particularly when I start working again.
There's also a class in breaking creative blocks, but I think it's more oriented towards the visual arts. Ah, well.
I should be doing laundry. There are a lot of things I should be doing. But I'm not. And I wonder why my life is stalled?
I seem to have discovered my tolerance level for sitting in front of my computer. After about eleven hours, I get a pounding headache. Big surprise.
Life proceeds apace. I continue to sit
in my rut whilst chewing out my liver over friends' perceived successes.
Of course, I don't know or understand whatever turmoil they're going
through at any given time, but the Little Black Duck in me doesn't care
about that. Time to club the Little Black Duck with the I Ching,
My Sense O'Reality has an overpowering effect on my fantasy life.
Although that is probably for the best.