Time for my biannual political moment in the Ramblings: Yes, Timothy McVeigh is a bastard. Yes, it's hard to believe he might deserve any kind of mercy or compassion. Indeed, the evidence that wasn't turned over by the FBI might have no bearing on McVeigh's guilt. But that's for the court to decide, not the investigators. The whole point of a justice system is that we apply due process to everyone equally - even people we don't like. To decide otherwise will invalidate it totally. I know that justice miscarries every day and people far more deserving of compassion than bombers who consider dead children 'collateral damage' are given a raw deal - which is all the more reason why these fuckups have to be exposed whenever they're discovered, regardless of other circustances. The sooner the "Kill him and get it over with!" crowd get that through their heads, the less vexed I will be.
          Okay, I'm done. Back to fluff.

          We're clearing out the storage-space and to save money - all told, it costs us about about $150/month, given that we would always get hit with late-fees, so all of my books are now in the vicinity of the house. Yay! Last night, I dug out two of my favorite 'fluffy' cookbooks - Party Fabulous and The Art of The Cocktail Party and cozied up with recipes for adorable appetizers and delicious drinkies. Of course, reading those books always gives me the craving to host a 'nice' party - something that is a cut above the usual beer-and-chips kind of thing. Of course, beer-and-chips is what my friends like, so I might have to rent some temporary ones - friends, that is - if I want to pull out the little black dress and start serving shrimp-toasts on a shiny tray.
          It's all bunk, of course, but I find the idea of having a dress-up-for-the-fun-of-it (and not for a LARP!) party to be rather appealing. Heck, I think Party Fabulous has some suggestions for a "Come Dressed As The Grownup You Thought You Were Going To Be When You Were A Kid" Party... Then I think about how much house cleaning that would require... and how much the food and drink would cost... and the fact that I outgrew my little black dress ten pounds ago... And I realize that beer-and-chips aren't so bad.
          At least it got me thinking about what I want to do for my birthday in July. Honestly, the Dr. Who fest at Kevin's place was so much fun, I wouldn't mind doing that again... Semi-formal video party, anyone? I'll bring the cocktail shaker!

          Sewing Musings
          Check these guys out: Realm of Regalia, Grannd Garb, Lace And Trim, and Calton Trim. The Darkthreads list was swapping good places for fancy trims, and I thought I should pass 'em along.
          I'm so chuffed by how the prototype EA Jacket turned out that I'm getting ready to have a go at making Alex's - especially since it looks like my favorite (discount) fabric place has just the right kind of suiting fabric - and it's on sale! Of course, sewing for Alex has its own, special requirements. I'll probably make a muslin of the shoulders/collar part of the jacket, just to make sure the garment will fit my hunny's neck. He's a lovely chap, but he's got a neck like a football player's...

          Gaming Musings
          Unfortunately, my long poignant rumination over Aragon was part of what got nuked on Wednesday. Suffice it to say that I'm feeling badly for Dave, a little bit guilty myself - feeling like I sold Dave a lemon - and a tiny bit annoyed at some of the players. The ones who grumbled for a change of leadership and a change in game-style, and then promptly bailed on their commitment to the game when they got what they wanted - those players. I'm also a tiny bit vexed at those who don't have the nerve to give their honest feedback to Dave but, then again, if word got around about the stomping Jennifer got when she passed along her unvarnished opinion, I'm not surprised the rest of the playership is feeling nervous...

          Despite my sewing smugness, I'm getting despondent about whether or not there's going to be enough interest to make Steincorp Station happen. So far we've got eight people who are definitely behind the project, and maybe another three who might make it, depending upon other circumstances. That's not enough. I need fifteen people, dues in hand (three have paid, so far) to make this game happen. It's such a great plot, I would hate to see it get thrown away. The chances of that happening are why I've scaled back the costuming. I'm not going to put down several hundred dollars, plus several days (weeks!) of my time, for costumes that are utterly unusable in any other context. The EA jacket is different - my hunnybunny really wants one, so I'm making it for him, regardless. :)

          Gaming quote of the moment, from ElfWorld: "Never make an enemy you can't kill."

          If you don't get the Food Network, do whatever it takes to convince your cable provider to carry it - it's a hoot! This past weekend saw Food Network's best attempt to dominate the ratings for three days: Iron Chef Dreamteam Matchup on Friday, a replay of last year's American challenge with Bobby Flay on Saturday and Sunday was a double header for the new year featuring a grudge match between Sakai and an old favorite challenger, and the much vaunted rematch between Flay and Morimoto. My cup runneth over! I shan't give any spoilers, but suffice it to say that everyone outdid themselves: the dishes were amazing, Tagashi's outfits were even more over the top than usual (explain to me why he entered the Kitchen Stadium on horseback?) and Alex and I have realized that we've got to get off our asses and finally write Battle:Bullets. The players will be given tubs of playdoh, glitter glue and construction paper to make their 'dishes' during the finale...

          Sewing Musings
         Ooooh, did I sew on Saturday! Despite the fact that the game for which it is intended might never happen, the fiendish wedding dress pattern I had picked out for a Vodacce dress has been calling my name for the past few days. Patterns do that, you know. They're fiendish little bastards. "Come on, Johanna, I'm a challenge. You'll learn something by trying me out. You won't get frustrated, honestly! Just take a look through my instructions..." I managed to reach a compromise and have decided to make a muslin of the bodice and sleeves, which I consider the most fiendish bits... 
         To make things even easier, I have two different types of muslin on hand, so I could easily tell the difference between lining and the outside of the garment. The piping on the collar drove me to distraction - no matter how I constructed it, the piping was going to be on the inside of the collar, so I gave up on that particular element and went on with an un-adorned collar...
         All was going reasonably well until the ****ing timing on my sewing machine crapped out again. It's been back from the shop for only two weeks. I'm inclined to think that the timing is permanently gone, given that all I have been running through the thing is muslin - hardly a fabric that munges up a machine's timing. Furthermore, my spare machine is acting up, by refusing to take up the bobbin thread. That may have been attributable to the weight of the fabric, or the fact that I had changed needles or something, but I'm damned if I could figure it out. Grrrr....
         Shannon came to my rescue on Sunday by loaning me her machine, which she isn't using right now. It's and adorable little Singer that I can heft with one hand (unlike my cast iron spare machine) and it's really quite nice. It's clearly not made for speed demon sewers, mind you. Run the fabric too fast and the bobbin thread can't keep up and you end up with a rather rucked-up seam... So I've been able to continue my progression. Tonight I'll be trying to matching up the lining to the bodice, so I'll find out how badly I munged the pieces. I tried to be everso careful with the seam allowances, but it took me a while to get used to Shannon's machine, and I think some of my allowances strayed into 3/4" territory, rather than 5/8"... Well, it can't be worse than that scrap corset that has been sitting on my sewing table for over a year...
         When my money situation is better - hopefully before the summer is out - I am definitely buying me that EuroPro machine. I hear it's a bit slow in terms of placing stitches, and certainly not the best for fine seams, but at least I know it won't throw a spring when asked to sew anythiing heavier than muslin...
         Does anyone know where I can get a dressform with an adjustable waist? As a short broad broad, I think most regular dressforms are going to cause problems by being too long in the torso...

          I was sewing so much that, last night, I had a dream that I was talking about fun costuming for a 'retro day' at school (as I say, it was a dream) and, in the dream, I was explaining how best to make a vinyl miniskirt with a Union Jack motif - along with why white go-go boots would better suit it than black ones... Worst yet, the pattern I was describing made perfect sense! I've jotted down the idea for future reference... Alex made an innocuous remark about such an item being handy for a Call of Cthulhu meets Swinging London type of event, and I've got a feeling that my subconcious won't let it lie at that...

          Gaming Musings
          Sunday was the CAST game, at the new location. Gaiser has moved in with his in-laws, and their homeowners' association has a rather nice little clubhouse and pool which may be rented by residents. We skipped the option to have synchronized sinking (vampires just don't swim well) and got together in the clubhouse for the game. Alas, a lot of players couldn't make it - last minute problems with disappearing babysitters or carpools - but there were a dozen people on-site and things got done. I had fun playing my one-shot flavor NPC, although perhaps I should have held off until there were more characters present to interact with... Anyways, it was nice to play a character who was answering questions rather than asking them... 
          The Tremere elder has left the area, which would put Rebecca in charge of the clan - if I chose to play her again. While her sudden promotion certainly adds a bit of appeal to the character, I doubt I will play her in that game again... And being clan leader (of a clan of two, big whoop) and Primogen will just make more work for me. Ugh. I think I'm going to offer myself up as occasional NPC-Person to Mike and, if he doesn't need someone for that, I'll continue to stay away from that group for a while. Nothing against them, of course, but I'm enjoying the break from Vampire more than I realized. I'll keep going to Aragon, but I've got a feeling that game might wither before I lose my enthusiasm for it.

          In fact, I had so much fun playing 'Alison Smith' that I may write her up as a beginning level character and throw her into the Grab Bag. Rich wants volunteers to play test a Mummy: The Resurrection idea he's got for KublaCon, so maybe I'll be able to play her again. Mind you, I'll cut out my one high-camp thingummy that I used yesterday: Alison's first life was as Hatshepsut, I just couldn't resist... But I will concede that that's a little too campy for a regular character...

***

          Grr/sigh... Alex and I were scheduled to meet with Mike G. last night to talk about a few things. Guess who didn't show up at the bar? It's a sign of how stressed-out I am that I took it so poorly. Usually, I would have just shrugged it off, had a beer and gone home. But I was really simmering, last night. Fortunately, a good night's sleep took care of it.

          Alex is still looking for work. I'm still stressing - so everything is as it should be for the moment.

          Old acquaintances are continuing to fall out of the woodwork. This morning it was Crystal, whom I knew back in my JC days dropping me an e-mail from out of the blue. Given that her current moniker is feisty_little_redhead, it sounds like she hasn't changed too much... I'm looking forward to hearing what she's been up to for the past few years. I won't bring up how she hurt my feelings by suddenly dropping me like a hot rock way back when, I won't darnit!
          Meanwhile, Shimpei and I are gleefully exchanging occasional bulletins, and I get random notes from Deborah on occasion. It's like Old Home Month, or something...

          Sewing Musings
          I picked up a veritable shitload of $1/yd fabric last night and prepped the rest of Fiendish Wedding Pattern for cutting. Not only do I have to fold various bits on various dotted lines, to petite-size the thing, but I also need to chop about two inches off the bottom. Given that this is a lined garment, I have to do this before I cut the fabric, not after assembly as I usually do. Oh, this is going to be interesting!
          The gothic sewing circle is once again talking about sewing machines, and it's sounding like the model I had my eye on might not be such a hot idea. It's not as tough as advertised (big surprise) and is apparently given to cranky moments. It sounds like I should just save some serious chunks of dough and look into a Juki or something, but I can't help thinking that a Juki would be too much machine for me. And I do want a machine that has a reasonable variety of stitches - and from what I've seen, most Jukis are a bit limited in that regard. They'll sew anything, but only in a straight stitch or a zigzag. No lockstitch. No buttonholes...
          I don't need a $2,000 flight-deck-of-the-space-shuttle machine like Laurel's Ohmigod Embroidery machine. But I do need something I can sew corsets and heavy fabrics with, without having to take it to the repair shop after each session. From what I've seen, such a machine could set me back a grand, easy and...well, that's a serious piece of change. I like sewing, I just don't know if I like it that much. I'd rather spend half of that and put the rest towards a better car...

          Gaming Musings
          Go figure, the next Aragon game is cancelled. Dave is considering putting the whole shebang on hold until autumn - given that he had already promised himself a break in August - and then see if anyone is interested in picking the game up again. It's entirely likely that the players won't be interested in starting the game again, and Dave will have a shot at a graceful exit. It's not just his burnout that's contributing to the state of things. I think our entire clique is a little tired of Vampire - and of each other, no doubt. But there's the usual 'we don't want to hurt the GMs feelings' malaise running around - like vanishing without a trace from the troupe is so much better - so no-one is speaking up about the issue. I've shared a few candid opinions with Dave - but not before he asked for them - and I've got an idea how things will go. Time will tell if my hunches are correct...
          Since Aragon is locked into a contract to use the Marriot space sometime, I'm going to try to reschedule the contract to August and use the space for Steincorp Station - providing we get enough players. If not... then Dave's got a $200 white elephant to unload. Maybe if we had a big party....

***

          Things are...coasting along. The state has finally admitted that, no, Alex does not owe an ungodly amount in unpaid taxes and fines - this time it looks like it's going to stick; the chances of Dave's dad pulling through his bypass operation on Friday are excellent (providing he doesn't have another attack in the meantime) and I've decided that it's time to quit waiting for Alex to play along with me, so I'm going back onto the diet/exercise routine on my own. So, overall, things could be worse.

          Sewing Musings
         Halfway through pinning the pattern for the skirts of the Fiendish Wedding Pattern, I've realized that I still had to do the sleeves - d'oh! At first I thought "Aw, I'll do 'em later," but then I realized that the garment is going to be awfully heavy once the skirts are attached (even if I skip lining them, which I don't intend to unless I run out of fabric) so I have to do the sleeves first. So I spent half the night cutting sleeves and many poufs and peppering everything with eight zillion little dots, squares and dashes. The poufs have to be severely gathered, you see... Trust me, it all makes sense if you sew.
         At first, I balked at doing the full garment. I thought I could skip lining the skirts, or not bother with the sleeves, as fitting the bodice was the most important part, to me. Then, of course, I realized what foolishness that idea was, and that having a fully completed mock-up will be very helpful for future reference should I ever make the final garment. My copy of the pattern instructions is already covered in margin notes like "Make sure to cut the correct sized collar!" (double d'oh!).

          Gaming Musings
         To absolutely no-one's surprise, Aragon is on hold until September, whereupon Dave and the players will decide if it's worth bringing the game back. I don't think it will return, really. Too much ego-friction, too much time spent playing Vampire. Let's all go do something cheerful instead!
         So I've retooled the Aragon discussion board - since I had to pay for six months up front, anyways - to become a Chuckling Cthulhu/random special events board. We may as well use it, right? If Aragon returns, reinstating what was there won't be much trouble as the place was hardly on fire in terms of traffic...

         I finally caved in to reality and told the playership of Chuckling Cthulhu that we will consider dropping the dues to $20 for Steincorp Station, but that means dropping the costuming also - if that means the we would get the minimum number of signups. Honestly, with fifteen players (the minimum to run the event) $300 in dues will just barely cover the projected location cost - we're taking over the Marriot contract from Aragon - and the props we've bought so far. Ah well, fingers crossed and all that...

         Alex dug up some old notes of his from a exhaustively researched Star Trek RPG campaign he ran many years ago, and he's got that gleam in his eye that suggests that his gaming buddies had better start brushing up their knowledge of plot-device particles... 
         If Alex decides to run an ST game, I don't know if I'll play. I'm still trying to keep my gaming commitment to a minimum - god knows the difficulties I'm having in trying to get everyone together for the next episode of Code Black is helping me stick to that resolution! Ideally, I would be running Code Black once a month, playing in Alex's Star Wars game twice a month, and perhaps doing a guest shot at the CAST game on a monthly basis if I felt like it - and that's all. All that, plus my ongoing commitment to Chuckling Cthulhu is enough - almost too much, in fact! But I can't bear to quit Alex's Star Wars game - it really is a lot of fun - and, dammit, I resurrected Code Black, so I'm hardly going to dump it!
         I've already turned down a tentative invite to an Aberrant game, but that's more because I'll be entirely too distracted by lustful thoughts about the GM (who shall remain nameless) to roll dice! He's a nice chap and well aware that he's an aphrodisiac to gamer-gals (and tell me, how often does that happen?) and well-married, to boot, but that doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to make an even bigger fool of myself than I usually do around the guy...

***

          Eavesdropping on the bus: I saw the Mormon missionary from Indiana again, yesterday afternoon. He's still loving the city and gleefully explaining the Book of Mormon to anyone who will listen...
         Saw an interesting "punk" this morning. I use the word with reservation because she was so well-groomed as to make one suspicious. I understand San Francisco puts it's own spin on these things, but yet... Tight-fitting plaid pants with studded belt, black fuzzy sweater - with redundant safety pins over intact seams - expensive-looking platform boots, dyed black hair, mini-padlocked-in-back neck-collar, neatly brushed and tied back, slightly-retro sunglasses, extensive tattoos (the ones on her left arm were quite pretty - stars and flowers and such) and a Lancome bag. It was like "Sunday School Punk" or somesuch. She seemed quite sincere - the tattoos would justify that - but so...so... tidy. I didn't know what to make of her.
          And the sharp-faced cutie with the gorgeous black-gabardine coat is still riding the 28 from time to time... Sigh... I suppose it says something that I noticed his clothes, first. 

          Scheduled to get together with Jennifer tonight, but I don't know what we're going to do. Part of me is clearly rebelling against the usual dinner-and-a-movie routine, as I've noticed Janeane Garofalo is playing the Warfield tonight, and the city-famous Beauty Bar is only two blocks away from my BART station. You mean I could have been indulging in post-work ten-dollar martinis-and-manicures all this time? Oh, missed opportunity!
          Seriously, though, I don't think city-crawlings are really Jennifer's scene. The bar will be packed out, it being Friday and all, and seating at the Warfield is limited and Jenn's ongoing leg-achies mean standing through a comedy show is not an option... 
          I like the Warfield, actually. The decor is tops, the acoustics guys swear they've fixed that weird 'dead-zone' in the balcony and the beer costs the same as the sodapop at the Concord Pavilion. The service can be awful slow, but nowhere's perfect, right? 

          Sewing Musings
         None. I was visiting with my Poppa last night so, no sewing. Saturday, Alex is going to be out all day with Kevin at a convention. I'm torn about going along, myself, but I think I would rather save myself a few bucks and just finish this project, so I'll be sewing up a storm, then...

          Gaming Musings
         I'm giving some thought to firing up Renee for the CAST game, but I'm telling myself to step back and wait. The cancellation from Aragon has neatly saved me from having to decide whether or not I was going to attend, and I think I should stretch out my break from vampire a little longer... Once the withdrawal symptoms ease, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't miss it at all.

          Alex and I talked a bit about Steincorp Station. I thought the plot was done, done, done, but - to my surprise - Alex came up with a neat plot idea that has a lot of strength and will give about a third of the characters a lot more to do, and a lot more in the way of roleplaying challenges. The neat-little-idea also nicely shores up the three B plots we've got lined up and solved a couple of nagging worries we had about the theme of the event as a whole. Damn, it's hard to discuss this without being specific but, trust me, it's keeeen!

***

          Sunday is the Rosicrucian/IMAX trip, and I'm looking forward to that! But I must get me off to bed otherwise I shall be too pooped to enjoy it! If it's particularly note-worthy, I'll add a postscript to this entry on Sunday night.

          Gaming Musings
          Although I doubt that there were many Bay-Area locals at AgamemCon, all of our fliers were pulled off the tables, so that's a good sign. At least we'll get some traffic to the web site!
          Sunday evening, a bunch of the moot players are going to stop by Miskatonic Acres after the trip and we're going to talk about their character concepts for the event - providing we aren't all too pooped!

***

          I don't usually pen anything over the weekend, but I did yesterday, so go check out What Am I Doing In Burbank? if you haven't, already.
           Added a new journal to my links, today: West Coast Girl, East Coast World. I visited the site after the author pointed out some troubles the Ramblings is giving her web-browser (she's one of the half-a-dozen who are using Oasis) and I quickly found myself happily rummaging through her archives. Jo-Bob says "Check it out!".

          Went to the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum yesterday and had a good time. Their collection is small - I've been spoiled by the Met in NYC, I think - but it's still the best on the West Coast. I was a little disappointed that a lot of the collection was from the Ptolemaic period, but it was still nifty - particularly the pottery and jewelry. Next time, I'm taking a sketchbook to record details for Valley of the Kings - no cameras allowed in the Rosicrucian...
          Alas, Mike B. didn't seem to be having such a hot time, so he and his girlfriend, Missy (and Shannon, who was getting a headache) split right after the Rosicrucian, while the rest of us (James, Jenn, her pal Donald (?), Logan and Tony) headed off to the IMAX theater for Secrets of Egypt.
          I want that hour of my life back. I could have done something useful with that hour, like cutting my toenails.
          The theater itself was great. The 'screen' is the overarching, domed ceiling - the entire thing. The IMAX footage that was shot specifically for that screen was really good - as I think the cameras must have used special lenses to counteract severe distortion at the edges of the curved screen - and the picture extending well into peripheral vision really helped pull one 'into' the scene. That said, the specialized footage sucked. It was some marketing thing which gushed about how wonderful Silicon Valley is, and was paid for by - unsurprisingly enough - by a Silicon Valley firm. The various arial shots were nifty - and dizzyfying - but the narration and overall message was cloying and patronizing.
          Then came the movie. Oh. Dear. God. If it had just been lots of pretty footage of Egypt - y'know, the temple at Abu Simbel, the pyramids, etc. - with the usual narration of "No-one really knows how these great blocks of stone were moved..." yadda yadda, it would have been fine. But the narrative convention was that of some bimbo girl (no doubt the daughter of the producer) asking her "grandfather" (Omar Sharif, paying the rent) about the curse of Tutankhamum and being generally vapid. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I think even the non-historical dummies in the audience were finding it annoying. God knows my friends and I were on the verge of throwing orange peel (or worse) at the screen. And since the film was shot for the more usual IMAX screen, the edges of the image were severely distorted...Funny, I don't remember obelisks curving quite like that...
          Overall, it was rather disappointing. But the preview for "Wonders Beneath the Earth" (or somesuch) looked nifty - ice crevasses and undersea caves and such...

          Repeat after me: Johanna is not going to run a science fiction convention. Johanna is not going to help run a science fiction convention. If Johanna even thinks seriously about doing so, I will help her husband commit her to a nice hospital until the seizure passes. Got that?
          It was just a mental exercise on the BART train this morning - mentally crunching numbers of cost-of-stars versus probable-tickets-sold-to-see-said-stars. Some people compulsively figure out what their credit card interest is going to be, I like to invent events - kinda explains the gaming thing, doesn't it? Anyways, I was just trying to figure out how a fan-con could make a profit, or at least break even. Then I got to thinking...Well, Jenn would have to co-chair, just because she can manage and organize tasks real well. Alex can handle artists' alley. Dig up Wolfgang and have him organize security, ditto Stephanie and registration. I would have to find someone competent for the dealers' room, though, that's key. Maybe Dave? Marketing is gonna be key too, but I could--Oh my god, what am I thinking??
          It's a seizure. It'll pass. And I'm just going to sew lots and lots until it does. Sublimation, take me away!

          Sewing Musings
          Man, the sleeves on the Fiendish Practice Garment are gonna take me a lot longer than I thought. Guess who forgot that it takes a knack to do lots of little gathers and distribute them evenly? Still, I'm glad I'm learning this on the practice garment. I swear, I'm gonna make the final garment just out of sheer cussedness!
          Meanwhile, I've just realized that if Alex and I are going to go to Gallifrey One next year (which would mean no 7th Sea LARP, hrm) I had better get to work on that Anthony-Ainley-as-The-Master outfit I promised him. The theme for next year's G1 is a sorta Halloween-in-February kind of thing, and The Master is the equivalent of the Boogeyman, right? Right.
          Actually, I've nailed down the elements I would need - I just have to find the right trimmings and scrape up the cash for the fabric. Given the severe wonkiness I want to do to the doublet pattern I've got in mind for the costume, a practice version of that might not be a bad idea either...
          Heck, muslin is cheap, it fulfills my need to sew something and I'm learning without ruining expensive fabric. It's a win-win situation!

          Gaming Musings
          Looks like the lupine moot might be in doubt, now. Saturday is the deadline for character submissions and, while we're getting a lot of promises, not a lot has been delivered yet. Ah well, if it doesn't come through, it's no skin offa my nose. I can easily write off the whopping $14 I've paid for the campsite. 
          Now, not getting enough players for Steincorp Station, that worries me... 

***

          Oy, a roller-coaster couple of days. Alex had a job for precisely three hours, yesterday. Apparently the work they gave him was supposed to last all week. It didn't, and that prompted a re-thinking of whether or not a full-time person was really needed for the job. Practical upshot: thank you very much, Mr. Baker, don't bother coming in tomorrow. Argh!
          As might be imagined, a foul mood hung over the house for most of the evening.
          It's a vile thing to say, but if Alex can't nail down a contract within a week, he's going to have to go sling hash or something equally vile, otherwise we're not going to be able to make rent and eat. I hate the stressed-out, out-of-control feeling I get when we don't have enough money. It makes me snappish and angry, and I take it out on Alex, even though it's not his fault nobody seems to be hiring... My nasty paranoid side suggests he isn't looking hard enough, but I know that's not true. So why isn't he getting calls?

          Still, things could be far worse. I've just received an update from Crystal on what she's been going through for the past eight years... Suffice it to say that everything is relatively rosy, now but, by god, she had to go through a lot to get this far. I'm hoping to catch up with her for coffee or something in the next couple of weeks, and that should be pleasantly trippy... Hell, the idea of my feisty redheaded college pal having three children is trippy enough...

           I'm broke and I find out that I'm working about three blocks away from not one, but two really groovy bars. Oh, the ignominy!

          Sewing Musings
           Slowly working on the sleeve poofies on the wedding dress pattern. Have found a couple of pitfalls when it comes to ensuring that the gathering is even, so it's been a v. useful exercise, so far. Again, I'm glad I'm doing this with buck-a-yard fabric and scraps, not something expensive! 
           However, I'm on the verge of chucking the bridal pattern aside for the meantime - I probably will once I'm finished with the sleeves and attached them to the bodice - to get back on track with the Narn garment I was working on for Steincorp Station. I had put that aside when I had realized it was going in a direction I didn't like, but I think I've sussed it out, now. Back to the chain mail and the leather glue. Heh. I'm thinking about putting some leather trim on the edges of the doublet - I've got several bags of cheap scraps that I plan to 'crazy-quilt' together with leather glue - and a short chain mail fringe along the bottom, instead of the unbelievably lame looking dangly bits I have there, now. The vinyl just wasn't heavy enough to pull the look off... Casey is playing the character this outfit is intended for, and he paid months ago, so I'm going to return his faith by finishing an outfit for him. 
           Now, if I could just find something for Jennifer, who showed similar faith in the event... I bought a nifty looking coat at the thrift store, but it turned out too tight for her on the sleeves. I suppose I could make it a sleeveless robe kinda thing, but that would make it a bit Minbar-ish in styling... Hmm... Slash along the sleeve seam and add a funky color panel? I shall have to think about that, as I would hate for to coat to go to waste. Maybe if I removed the sleeves and she wore a long-sleeve turtleneck-type shirt underneath it, with some dress slacks...

          Gaming Musings
           Things are looking better than I had suspected for the werewolf moot. We've got three packs, each with 3 - 4 people and three 'roaming' PCs. Most of the tribes are represented - we've even got a Shadowlord lurking in the mix - and I finally shook a couple of much-needed theurges out of the tree, so I think we've got a good mix, finally. Now, Alex and I just need to beg or borrow a tent and sleeping bag or two for ourselves. Our original budget called for buying them but that's not really an option, now. Bah.
           Who else thinks leading 15 gamers into the wilds of a state park is just asking for disaster? Watch for the headlines on July 15th.

           I'm starting to get aggressive about finding players for Steincorp Station. The vexing thing is, we've got eight fer-shure players and about ten others, who are floating about in the ether. This is not a good ratio. If all eighteen were ready-to-go, toed-the-line players, I wouldn't be worrying about game turnout at all... 
           Many of the etheric players are people who were really enthusiastic about the game, three months ago, and have since quit responding to e-mails - not a good sign. Some of them are recently-joined members on the mailing list, and that's good, but I'm wondering if we're asking for too much when we ask the players to pay for the game in advance. I think we could decide to take dues 'at the door' since we've dropped costuming from the list of expenses, but I think that would increases the possibility of last-minute flake-outs. Once I've got their money, I can be sure that they're going to show up...
          Really, when all is said and done, we'll probably run the game with whoever we can pull together - just because the plots are so nifty and absolutely cannot be recycled into some other event. After the game has premiered, I was thinking we could re-run it at ConQuest, Labor Day Weekend, and help get the word out about Chuckling Cthulhu. But I'm going to stick to my resolution of never "premiering" a game at a convention. Our events cost too much in terms of time and proppage to be premiered for "free" at a convention. 

***

          Today is my mother's birthday and that's the brightest news, so far... Dave got laid off this morning and Kevin's cool cat, Myst, ate antifreeze and had to be put down. Ugh. I guess the day can only get better from here. I hope it does!

          In contrast, the weekend was pretty good. I spent most of Saturday wondering where the day went. I got up at 9AM, ate breakfast, watched a little TV and it was 4PM, what the fuck? Fortunately, the rest of the day stretched out to make up for it. Alex went off to Bob's D&D game, so I was left to my own devices and amused myself with various costuming bits and bad TV all evening.  
          Sunday was gaming and obligatory family visits. I feel badly that I could only visit Christopher for a few minutes - because Alex and I had to dash off to the CAST game - but we'll be seeing him and Susan again tonight for her birthday. Meanwhile, we visted with Dan for a few hours, after the game and had a lovely chat on the usual topics - naval vessels, movies, interesting books. Dan's trying to set up a wireless surround-sound system for his ohmigod television and I can't wait to impose upon him when it's all together. Pass me that special edition of Aliens, willya? And crank the volume to eleven....

          Sewing Musings
           I have put the Fiendish Pattern aside for the moment, and I finally sat down with the Narn garment, a bag of leather scraps and a lot of glue. The result is a bit "Meet the Flinstones"-ish, I'll admit, but good enough for a total outlay of about $10 in material. It's almost finished, but I've discovered that patchwork-leather trim can be insidious stuff. It sorta creeps up the garment and doesn't suggest a natural stopping point...
          Now I've just gotta finish the tails on the Centauri coat - which is looking dorkier each time I look at it, goddammit - and the sleeves on the Minbar robe, and I'm pretty much done with costuming I'm making for Steincorp. Well, aside from a uniform for Alex and maybe myself. Surprisingly enough, we've got more costuming elements for players than I had anticipated, and some of the players are volunteering elements of their own to make up the shortfall. I'm quite happy about that! We'll be a rag-tag bunch, I'm sure, but no-one will be able to fault the effort!

          Gaming Musings
          Ok, I'll admit it. I've learned my price, and it's Patricia.
          Lemme explain. One of my mottoes in life has always been "Everyone has their price, and it's not as high as you might think." Keep that in mind as I continue.
          So, I had been thinking about leaving the CAST game permanently. The players are a bit young/green for me, the game is kinda high-maintenance, particularly if I kept with Rebecca, and I've been feeling a bit burned out on Vampire in general, anyways. Sure, some of the players are making progress and noticeably improving in the quality of their RP, but it's been slow going and I'm an OFOG who is getting harder to impress every day...
         Then I decided to pitch Patricia at Mike. She had been shot down before, but that was before Mike, the GM, knew me at all, and before he started muttering about needing some real Malkavians in the court... So I decided to try again, gave him my thirty-second 'elevator pitch' and crossed my fingers.
          He didn't bat an eyelash. "Okay, sounds good to me," he says and, voila, I'm back in the game, happy as the cat that got the entire aviary. 
          I was afraid that it was going to take me the whole afternoon to find my "Character Legs", as it can take me a while to get back into the groove after a long break - Trish careens into 'very silly' when she's been neglected.... Whilst I didn't quite hit the note I was reaching for, I wasn't as far off the mark as I had feared I might be. I kept Trish under control and, according to Alex, Trisha scared the pants off most of the court. Yes! Cue: happy character dance!
          I think the fact that the other Malkies currently in game are of the looney-toons stripe helped me keep Patricia grounded. She's made no secret of the fact that she has no time for the 'fluffy' Malkavians, although - privately - she's realizing that perhaps Bob The Mad Prophet of Dogma (being played by Shannon's sister) isn't quite as vapid as she seems... So there might be some interesting times ahead within the clan, rather than the Trish-bulldozes-'em-all-on-her-way-to-power scenario that I had initially envisioned.
          And it seems that if the behavior of the courtiers continues to decorate, Trish might find herself appointed the Official Punisher of Misdeeds without even asking for the job. Heh.
          Meanwhile, the court Seneschal is convinced that Patricia is an Assamite - and I'm going to do nothing at all to dissuade him of that notion... By the time he realizes he's wrong, Patricia should have enough whup-ass accumulated to keep all of the courtiers treading lightly around her, regardless.
          And with Chris doing character backgrounds/some downtime interference, I think I can get into some new and interesting trouble with my darling. If nothing else, I'm sure it'll occur to him that he's got a chance to return some of the grief I gave him when he was playing Hilario in Aragon and Anja was giving him hell. I just love it when characters get into trouble! Well, the mutually-enjoyed-by-all-concerned kind of trouble, at least.

***

          Not much time for an entry today, but I should at least mention that today marks seventeen years in the United States. Cue: desultory fanfare.
          It's not something I celebrate per se, so I'm at a rather loose end as to what to do, now. Remembering the day has become too much of a habit to ignore it entirely. But I also don't see the point in wallowing too much...
          Will watching MacBeth on PBS tonight suffice?

***

          High-school acquaintances continue to fall out of the ether upon me. This time it's some chap from my video class. Embarrassingly enough, he seems to have a clear memory of me, whereas I'm trying to find my yearbooks to look him up, as he's not ringing a bell. Foolishly enough, I feel a little bad about that. I had so few friends in high-school that I hate to think that I've forgotten someone who thought well of me...
          Meanwhile, Crystal hasn't called me back. Hmph. Ah well.

          Dave came to visit on Tuesday and since Alex and I were being driven mad by the heat (103,anyone?) we went to the movies. Our choice of film was clearly a sign of our heat-sickness: Tomb Raider. Frankly, for two hours of air-conditioning, I would have sat through Earnest Cleans His Teeth, so it could have been worse.
          Bluntly put: if you go into that movie with no expectations, then you'll only be mildly disappointed. For a summer-blockbuster, the production values were strangely lagging throughout - and let's not speculate on the DP's film-stock choices - and the costumers were clearly having a tough time integrating thick padding into Lara's signature tank-tops. It was okay when Jolie was standing or moving, but when she sat down, oh dear... But, it was a movie with a cute chick, with lotsa big-ass guns and to expect any more of it would have been pure folly.
          And I got something worthwhile out of it: Iain Glen. He looks right for someone I want to put in on my character gallery - more about that, below. Annoyingly enough, fan-pages for him are thin on the ground, or they feature him when he was younger and blonde, and I'm not interested in pix from that era. Amusingly enough, I spent the entire dam' two hours at Tomb Raider, thinking "Okay, what have I seen this guy in?" Answer: Hamlet, in the cinematic version of Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead. Yes, yes, I know he also co-starred with Nicole Kidman in The Blue Room and was in Beautiful Creatures, also, but I haven't seen those...

          I've got to quit reading D.H. Lawrence, it always brings out the mopey, frustrated aesthete in me. And it's too damn hot to maintain that frame of mind, just now... Still, I keep having to stifle moments of jumping up and down and yelling "Yes, goddamit, that's right!" whilst reading through The Woman Who Rode Away and Other Stories. Such behavior is particularly misunderstood on the bus - well, maybe not on San Francisco's MUNI... 

          Sewing Musings
         None. Not a dicky bird. It's too dam' hot for me to lock myself up in the stuffiest room in the house and work with vinyl. Ugh. 

          Gaming Musings
          I did it! It took me eight years to get around to it, but I finally did the 100 Questions for Patricia. Seventeen pages of alienated bliss. If you're really short of things to do, today, feel free to go take a look. My primary motive, of course, was to get some XP racked up for my little darling in CAST. This is the third time I've had to re-set her, and it's always a bit annoying having to ensure Trish's mouth isn't writing checks her body can't cash whilst waiting for her stats to catch up with her...
          Re: Iain Glen. I've got to dig up the proper headshot of the guy, but I think I've found my Michael, finally. I was never really happy with the generic model who is currently occupying his place in the Character Gallery. 

***

          Written late Friday night...
          So, I’ve got this ex-friend of mine. A guy I used to know. We had a fight over something totally pointless. I even ranted about it in this journal over a few days but, like every major conflict in my life, I gritted my teeth through it - with or without reason. By the time it had subsided, the origins had been forgotten, but the lingering resentment seemed insurmountable.
          It hurt all the more because I let this guy get to me. He’s smart, intelligent, and reasonably talented in his chosen areas. I can admire that - and there are not many guys I admire. He was the kinda person you admire so much you crave their approval, to one degree or another - and a fight with such a person rapidly becomes entangled with feelings of rejection. So the stupid fight and the apparent ease with which our relationship soured pissed me off that much more. What, didn’t he value the friendship as much as I did? Well, fuck him too, then… I thought… Unjustified? Probably, but I still felt that way.
          For utterly unrelated reasons, I sat down and read through my skimpy poetry archive, last night. This acquaintance of mine had a lot of influence on my short stint with poetry. He’s the one who bullied me into attempting to tackle the medium, with the cogent argument that the discipline of the form would do me good. To my surprise, I realized he was right and, with a hue and a cry, I waded into it. The results aren’t going to get me any MacArthur Grants any time soon, but it was an interesting - and educational - experience. I sometimes think about tackling it again but, lord, I get so unpleasant when I’m writing poetry - all broody and adolescent. Once I figure out how to conquer that tendency, then I’ll be ready to tackle poetry again, I think…
          Reading over that skimpy archive got me to thinking about that friend and how I sometimes still miss his company. A mutual acquaintance of ours - who is one of the most gossipy people I know - has occasionally carried tales of my ex-friend’s latest misadventures, but I treat them with a grain of salt… No-one can go that nuts in that short a time.. No doubt, he’s hearing similar tales about me but I’ve long since gotten inured to gossip. I doubt there’s anything a gossip can say about me that I haven’t already said myself…
          Anyways.
          A few months ago, the friend dropped me a line. I spent ten minutes staring at the twenty-word email trying to figure out if he was being sarcastic. I was trying to read between the lines. A fundamental part of the collapse between us revolved around nuance and interpretation, I think, so even an outwardly innocent e-mail was subject to deep consideration. He was wishing me luck with a gaming venture that I hadn’t told him about, and he was sharing his speculation that was he so terribly nasty that I couldn’t tell him what I was up to. I was quite floored. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or honest, and he’s one of those people you can’t even ask “Are you kidding?” because they’ll turn around and say “Do you think I am? Do you consider my feelings so trivial?” Or, at least, he has shown such a talent for misinterpreting intentions in the past that I considered it a very real risk, and disincentive to inquiry.
          When in doubt, take the missive at face value, right? Right. So I did. I thanked him for his kind wishes, explained that I hadn’t told him about the venture because I honestly didn’t believe it would interest him and hoped that life was treating him well. And I’ve not heard a word from him since.
          Whilst I’m glad I didn’t have to go through another round of get-away-closer with the fellow, I’m still left wondering “Is that it? Have we gotten so used to alienation that we can’t get past this? Should I try harder?”. I liked this guy, I did and I suppose I still do. But I also feel like I already tried to heal the rift with him, and only got blown off. My pessimistic nature tells me that his last missive was, indeed, dripping with sarcasm and, quite possibly, an attempt by him to bate me into angry feelings. The more optimistic side of me would like to hope that his was a genuine bewilderment. But the context of the situation is fucked up and dated, so I don’t know where to go next.
          I don’t think writing to him will do any good. It might just rip open scar tissue that we’ve both gotten used to dealing with. I consider that the most likely prospect.
          But it might not. Maybe, like me, he’s long since realized that the initial fight was - ultimately - foolish, vain and pointless, and maybe we can get past that and try to be, if not friendly, at least civil to one another, again. I would like that. Smart fellas with whom one can talk about poetry, music and novels aren’t so thick on the ground that I can let them go that easily.
          And don’t even ask me what I think the gossip would have to say about all this. The less involved he is, the better. It doesn’t help that this gossip is also my candidate for the Phantom Journal Snipper, but that’s a whole other can of worms…

          (later)

          Well, a good night’s sleep hasn’t done much to clear up my mind. The status quo has been stagnant for so long, it’s going to be tough to overcome the inertia, if I decide I even want to try.

          Sewing Musings
         I swear by all that is holy that I'm going to finish that Narn garment (just one more bit of trim, I swear!) and the Centauri coat this weekend... More about that on Monday.

          Gaming Musings
         Oh. My. God. Alex got us sooo good at the Star Wars game last night. It was one of those times when, OOC, the entire group was in on the joke and laughing our asses off, whilst in-character, we had to make like we knew nothing. Well, most of us had to feign ignorance. Yahnna knew precisely who Governor Zoraith and Baron Toradon were at the governor's dinner party - and vice versa. Of course, the governor was the soul of courtesy - but it was a bit touch-and-go as to if the Baron was going to drop his facade, revert to Stygoss, and come at the party with his lightsaber blazing. Maybe Yahnna shouldn't have sent him that vile drink garnished with three kinds of fruit, several paper umbrellas and a dried lizard... Hell, if he was gonna kill me, the least I could do was give him a massive hangover...
         It was a fun game. Every character ended up in some sort of interesting social situation with enemies and/or friends, and we might have even made some progress on the plot, somewhere along the line... I'm looking forward to the next installment.

         Meanwhile, Jennifer is getting ready to run her own Star Wars campaign for a few weeks. She's setting it fifteen years after the current campaign, and she's already got some continuity established from a few episodes she ran for Bob's group. I've been told I can play Yahnna if I want to, or create a new character, but I don't know if I'm going to join the group. I know I don't want to play Yahnna, just because I don't like running characters with that big a gap in their continuity that may or may not get filled in, later - Alex isn't sure if he's going to pick up the SW game again after this chapter closes. And, my involvement in CAST aside, I'm still trying to minimize my gaming time, so this would be the best time for me to gracefully bow out.
         Now, if I could just convince Alex that I do not want to be the captain in his proposed Star Trek game...

***

          Saturday was fun. For a change, Alex was hungover - a side effect from drinking for two NPCs on Friday night - but it wasn't anything he couldn't deal with. Logan and Jennifer came over for the next installment of the Port Townsend game, and that was good fun. Even more fun was the few hours afterwards during which we just hung out, had dinner and gossiped. Well, I gossiped. I think maybe Logan didn't particularly appreciate some of the dishing Jennifer and I were getting into... Heck, it's likely that Jennifer didn't appreciate it. I sometimes forget that single people might prefer to avoid conversational topics that bring up their singlehood. Or maybe I'm being oversensitive. Whatever. I know I dodged at least one verbal landmine - with some graceful oversight on Jennifer's part, although I think I ended up sparing her feelings ("Honey, there ain't no man out there I consider good enough for you") at the cost of tramping all over Logan's feelings (so what's he, chopped liver?). D'oh!
          I think my friends are used to my chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease. At least, I hope they are.
          I decided to skip Adam's going-away party - it sounded like it was going to be a massive drink-up and I just can't deal with hangovers like I used to. Instead, Alex and I will probably be taking Adam out to dinner tonight. He's flying to China on Thursday, so this is pretty much the last chance... Adam's going to be gone for a whole year - maybe longer - and I'm going to miss him. I'm running out of gamer-boys to flirt with, darnit! Nah, that's not it. Adam's a smart and funny guy who is often good company where-ever you find him - that's why I'm going to miss him when he's gone.

          I spent most of Sunday asleep. The pollen demon hit me with his Mallet O'Lassitude... I got some sewing things done, and a little writing, but that's all.

          I've been so tied up in writing for the past twenty-four hours (see below) that I'm surprised I'm not talking in my sleep. I had some damn weird dreams, that's for sure... At least they were interesting-weird, not wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat weird...

Sewing Musings
          The Centauri coat is as done as it's going to be until Dale tries it on. I cut some rudimentary tails into the garment, just to decrease the fabric-tube factor, and when Dale puts it on, I'm going to take the back in at the waist, to give it a little further shaping. I think it looks less dork than it did - I hope!
          Speaking of fabric tubes, I think I'm going to give up the idea I had for re-doing the Minbar garment and work with what I've got for jazziing up the sleeves... It's about half of what I wanted, but I think I can make it work...
          The Narn garment is also done. I'll have to take a picture of it for the B5 Closet. The Fred-Flinstone association is inescapable, but I think Casey will like the garment, and that's the important part...

Gaming Musings
          The PT game was good fun - although it was a shame that the e-mail pixies ate Logan's notes to Kevin, so we were Daffyd-less. Logan scattered a few more clues about, and we've got a reasonably good idea of what we're doing, in-character. Janice has just enough information to go off half-cocked, as usual. God help the poor residents of that pretty little tourist town... Janice is about to go into full watched-too-much-Angel vampire-vigilante mode. The increasing likelihood that Delphi (Jennifer's character) is dating a Fomori is not helping Janice's peace of mind...

          In between naps and snack-breaks on Sunday, I decided it's time to have another hack at the Patricia/Michael suite of stories. This would be the second heavy edit, but it makes sense, since I'm tidying up her continuity for CAST and all. Given that I wrote the earlier bits of the suite in '92/'93, and the more recent pieces in '99/'00, the style and tone is way inconsistent, so a fix is in order. It might take me a bit longer than I anticipated, though. I was merrily zipping along through the material last night thinking Aw, this won't be so hard - and ran smack into the six-pages of Trish torturing Michael nigh-unto-death. Screech. Hmm... That piece needs a lot of work, as I seemed to have written it in more of a rush than usual...  
          The edit is also a chance for me to develop my sparsely-written earlier bits, and perhaps prod a little more character out of Michael. He suffers from the one-dimensional rat-bastard syndrome (in fact, I think my gaming group created the tabletop flaw Rat Bastard with him in mind) and that can get a little boring after a while... 

          Thinking of rat-bastard homogeneity... trying to wheedle some distinctive character out of Michael once again got me thinking about the similarity between him and Paul. They're both manipulative, intelligent, patronizing control-freaks who have had a rather heavy impact on my character's lives. Now, I understand that when a player finds a shtick they like, they're going to play it over and over, but it's been a constant - if minor - irritation that there are moments when Paul and Mike are almost indistinguishable from one another. So while I've been tinkering, I've been mentally cataloguing their differences - with a hopes to bringing 'em to the fore over time, as well as in the re-editing I'm doing. 
          My most notable realization is that Michael enjoyed the control he had over every aspect of Patricia's life - hence the blood bond, their shared haven, etc. Whereas Paul got his giggles by making Rachel lose control - particularly in a manner that she considered intellectually disagreeable (I've resigned myself to the fact that my kindred characters are going to have sex, even if Johanna doesn't entirely agree with the idea, and if you can figure out an explanation for that, please tell me). 
          Paul plays games at giving a person a choice, when they really have no choice at all. Michael didn't see the point in offering false choices in the first place. Michael will throw himself into a project (eg, Trish) 110% for a short period of time, and then burn out/get bored and drop it like a hot potato. Paul prefers to be a long-term, recurrent antagonist. Heh, it rather reminds me of Ethan Rayne's failing (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). "I'll never learn to do the damage and go. It's the stay and gloat that ruins me." It damn near was the ruin of Paul - it was, in Bedlam's Rest, but I can't let a good character die. Paul tries to anticipate every situation and opportunity ahead of time - he considers himself quite the craftsman of mind-fuckery. For Michael, it's a more organic process inherent to the way he is - which leaves him vulnerable to fads and unexpected happenings - such as feeding off a whacked-out Berkeley student and then taking his childe to bed, against all better sense...
          The Paul/Yvette dynamic isn't really a part of this consideration, as the relationship between them is quite different - as Paul is starting to realize, much to his alarm. The poor lad is starting to realize he's got - gulp! - feelings for Yvette, albeit rather selfish and introverted ones. Still, he actually cares about what happens to her, and caring about somebody other than himself is something Paul hasn't done for a long time. I'm going to have a lot of fun determining where all that is going to lead when they get to Berlin Evil author gigglings... I tell ya, I'm not writing a story, I'm just playing Boswell to a whole bunch of other people that happen to live inside my head...

***

          I think I'm probably going to venture into Too-Much-Information Territory today. Will parents and squeamish friends of the family please go read something else? 
          No, I'm not kidding. Honest.
          Go on, shoo!
          Still here? Go! Go!
          Alright, that's enough of that. I must be getting stressed again - geeze, a jobless husband, and two money-munching larp events coming up, why should I be stressed - because I find myself wanting to wallow in my subbie-ness for an hour or three. Some people know they're stressed because they aren't sleeping well, or they suddenly find the idea of murdering their boss not simply attractive, but also reasonable. Me? I start thinking about the joys of dog-collars and how nice it would be to be tied up and fucked senseless for an evening. 
          Oh, don't look like that. I did warn you.
          It's the control-issue of course. Everything else seems to be careening around me beyond my control, so I may as well exert some and go call the shots in bed and have some fun while I'm at it. Yes, kiddiwinks, the subbie is really the one in charge. It's a long, complicated thing to explain and if you're really curious, I'll be happy to reccomend a few books. 
          Fortunately, I have sympathetic friends with whom I can air these sort of sentiments, and they'll understand what I'm saying - rather than be horrified. I had a lovely little vent at a dommish pal of mine last night, and that cheered me up no end. Of course, he made the predictable offer, but I'm not really looking for a play-partner right now. If naught else, it makes Alex awful nervous - but it's nice to have like-minded buddies who are only too happy to help one relieve some stress. Also - and since we're on the honesty train, we may as well ride it all the way to the depot - I've got just the tiniest case of cold feet about the whole sub-routine (innuendo for programmers unintended, but left there nonetheless). I'm an awfully stubborn person, and I don't usually like feeling vulnerable. Should I ever actually put my body where my mind is, my poor top is going to have their work cut out for them. A shame, in a way, 'cos I've got some interesting ideas. 
          Meanwhile, I'm just taking it out on my characters, as usual, by writing some particularly torrid bits and pieces. For all the grief my characters put me through, they can put up with a bit of it in return. 
          Y'know, that habit of mine might explain the weird head-space most of my characters inhabit, sooner or later. Hrm. 

Sewing Musings
         Not much. I've been exchanging fabric-y missives with a player in Steincorp Station, which has been neat. The player in question has dibs on Meera, a Minbar, and she's apparently looking forward to going all-out. Her last missive warned me - in vague terms - that she was going to do something with her hair. I'm quite intrigued, now.... She's visiting a discount fabric joint in Oakland at some point in the next few weeks, and I've asked her to keep an eye open for fabric that might work for the EarthForce uniforms. 
          Now that I've got a bit of time, I'm thinking about using some of my nailhead doe-suede to make an shirt for Casey's character. With elastic cuffs, I can easily shorten it later, for Alex's use - and they've both got the close to the same chest-size, eerily enough - despite the eight inches difference in their height... I just can't help thinking that the suede/leather doublet might be helped with a similarly-themed shirt. Pants-wise, Casey's on his own.

Gaming Musings
          I finished my first-and-probably-last pass on the Michael/Patricia suite, last night. It's not perfect, but it falls within my current tolerance for gamer-writing. It's definitely an improvement, no mistake. The style is a lot more consistent now, and that's what was really nagging me. I tried to develop Michael a bit more, but he's proving resistant, damn him. I also tweaked the ending to allow for Michael's possible-return at the CAST game, should the Narrators choose to follow up on that. I do like to offer a GM a few plot hooks for when they're feeling lazy. If this one isn't picked up, it's no skin off my nose. I'm just having too much fun as it is. Still, I think it's going to occur to Chris, sooner or later, that he's in a position to wreak some revenge for all the grief I gave his character in Aragon. Heh. 
          Jennifer is considering coming to CAST and checking it out and I'm enduring some conflicting feelings about that. On the one hand, Jennifer is my bestest buddy, a smart roleplayer, and the CAST game really needs a few more people, especially good roleplayers! On the other hand, I'm wondering if the game's going to worth a long drive on a hot Sunday afternoon. I'm afraid Jennifer might not have a good time and get really frustrated, very quickly. 
          The CAST players are an alright bunch - and some of them are progressing really well - but a lot of them are flakey and undeveloped, even for gamers. Yeah, yeah, I've got my bad moments, but age and experience hath worn the worst edges off me. At the moment, most of the players have no interest in downtime - that's bearable - and almost as little interest in developing interesting characters and really roleplaying - WTF? It gets a little tiring having to constantly explain to some eighteen-year-old that, No honey, I'm not mad at you out-of-character - that was an in-character ass-chewing you just got for interrupting Patricia while she was speaking with her Primogen... I mean, better that they ask than not, but geeze, some of these just guys haven't got the hang of staying in character.
          As mentioned before, I think the best thing I can do is be patient and try to be a good example - in and out of character. I tend to forget that I jumped on the vampire larping bandwagon in the very early days of the sport, so we were all learning about the intricacies - and making our mistakes - simultaneously. There were very few veterans for me to exasperate when I was making those mistakes. Now, I'm not used to players who are just picking up the habit, now. I should be more tolerant of 'em, I guess - or only play with seasoned veterans. But seasoned veterans are fussy little devils, and hard to lure out for a game, these days. They tend to have more refined tastes and less free-time than their greener ilk, which is why you hardly ever see 'em outside of gaming conventions....

          So, unsurprisingly enough, Casting The Runes has changed state - to a tabletop game. It's a logical decision, given the small size of the group, and the diminishing returns involved with renting an admittedly-kewl, but still costly, location. I don't know if I'm going to stick around, though. Rich has made it clear that this is good opportunity to bow out - with the option of returning with a new character, should the game ever go live-action again. Given that the group meets infrequently and at the ass-end of the bay area from where I am, I think I'll take this chance to politely take me leave from the gang. It's a shame, because I like all of the players, but my character Sarah never really engaged my enthusiasm - not one bit of writing for her, not a scrap - and the infrequency of the game doesn't appeal to me, either. Ah well. Easy come, easy go.

          Thinking of beating up one's own characters, I've got a really evil idea for Paul and Yvette. Hrm.... Where did I put that online guide for Berlin...?

***

          Ugh, a slow day, yesterday. I managed to finish my planned tasks at work a couple of hours early, so I was left at a bit of a loose end at the office. So I tinkered with my LARP Advice page a little, and then got to thinking about my general site design... I want to keep it austere, but maybe I've got a little too far in that direction? I'm not about to overhaul all of Rough Cut in blue and green - I like keeping it fast-loading and easy to navigate, but I'm thinking maybe I can jazz it up a bit, here and there... We'll see where these idle musings take me, I guess.

          I've started writing in my Other Journal again, after a six month break. But it's not as important to me, anymore. I think I've been somewhat successful in trying to be more honest in this venue - as honest as one can without madly alienating over-sensitive friends and family - which reduced my need to be bluntly honest, anywhere else. Still, there are times when talking from behind a mask can be quite soothing, so I pulled my socks up and posted an update. I'm sure my two regular readers will be thrilled - assuming that they still check in from time to time. I stoutly refuse to keep any kind of tracker on the Other Journal because I don't want to feel obligated to write for anyone but myself...
          Although I keep that Other Journal for myself, Alex now has the URL. I've realized that there ain't a damn thing I can say, there, that would hurt him half as much as the things he has already read. Ironically, he was a bit antsy about the whole anonymous-journal thing, because that implied that I was "Keeping something from him". I'm of the opinion that the desire to know everything about your hunny can ruin a relationship. For the first few months of the Other Journal, he didn't feature in the darn thing at all. But then he did, and he found the URL, and the Great Unpleasantness began. Anyways, it's over now and, as I say, I don't think I could ever hurt him like that again, so if the existence of the Other Journal is really burning him up, he can read it. I don't think it's worth spatting over.

          I see that one of my Ramblings counters is inching up towards 20,000. Woo-hoo! I've recently figured out the Laughing Squid Stats page and I've been rather startled to find out that Rough Cut as a whole is getting about 5,000 page views per month - but about 20,000 hits, which means - I guess - that my site comes up searches quite a bit, but not many people click through... Of course, I wonder how much of that traffic is me. 
          Never mind the fact that Chuckling Cthulhu is getting about 1,200 page-views a month. I don't know where that's coming from...

Sewing Musings
          Bah, I meant to tidy up the sewing room and re-organize my notions last night, but I sat in front of the computer and ate nachos, instead. I'll get to it tonight, I think. I really want to tidy up the Fiendish Wedding Dress pattern - which has been put aside until after Steincorp Station - so that I can set out to make that Narn shirt with a reasonably clear conscience.
          Despite my cash-poor state, I'm really jonesing to find fabric for the Earth Force uniforms. It's proving a bust. June/July is not the time to be looking for blue suiting-type fabric, it seems - even at the discount joints. Damn...
          I want to organize my patterns, but I'm not sure how do to it. I counted on my fingers, and I think I own about seventy of the little devils, which means that they won't fit into the accordion file that I was thinking of tucking them into. About half of them currently sit in a large plastic crate, but I would prefer to really organize the things, so I can find what I'm looking for, as quickly as possible. Maybe a really big hanging-thing, like some people use for sorting their shoes... But where would I hang it? On the wall, it would look like some bizarre papery tapestry, and it would require several hangers in the closet to accommodate... Ooh! Comic book boxes! I could get several short boxes - one for pants, one for skirts, one for historical items, etc - and sort 'em that way... That might work!

Gaming Musings
          Just when we thought we were done, Alex and I rethought a major plotline for SteinCorp Station, last night. To my surprise, after some intial snapping and snarling over a plot element that I was really attached to, the solution came up a winner. It'll save one of the PCs from being set up as a rat-bastard, as well as heading off a plotline that could have easily led to war with the Earth Government and it brings two other PCs more into the game, when I had been fretting that they wouldn't have enough to do. Heh. I wish I could talk more about it, but too many of the players read this journal! I can't even share evil ideas with Jennifer like I usually do, as I want her to have an enjoyable, surprising game, too... I've already blabbed too much to her as it is...
          In the meantime, Alex and I just have to get cracking on creating the more-complete character histories and boning up on Cthulhu Live, 2nd edition. Fortunately, CL is a great system with a massive emphasis on roleplaying - in a lot of ways, I think it's what Mind's Eye Theater wants to be. I wouldn't be at all surprised if most of the PCs go through the event without needing to refer to their character sheet or the rules-system at all, so I'm not sweating logistics too much.

          Meanwhile, I'm starting to regret the lupine moot. The players are massively enthusiastic, which is great, but I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. I had kinda hoped that Alex would be able to offer more help than he has but - of course - his job hunt has gotten in the way. So far, I've been handling everything, and I am not the lupine expert at Miskatonic Acres. Character sheets need to be created for everyone - and WW's delay in shipping the newest edition Laws of the Wild has not helped - and, oh yeah, there aren't any plots. Aside from blatantly pinching from GMs who came before me - a fine gaming tradition - I'm fresh out of ideas. Uh-oh.
          The game is two weeks away, and I'm starting to fuss. If it wasn't for the outright eagerness of the players, I would cancel it right now, but I'm trying to convince myself that they're expecting a low-plot event, and that they will carry most of the game, themselves. I hope they can, because I don't think that I'm going to have much to offer them, come game-day. 
         

***

          I'm in a big fuzzy pop culture haze right now. Alex and I caved in to the urge for a treat and picked up the re-release of Superman on DVD. It was definitely worth the $25 - the print is unbelievably clean, the sound remix kicks ass and the restored scenes were a hoot...
          It's been a while since I've seen this movie. In fact, I don't think I've sat down and watched it from start-to-end since it was first released. I was, er, seven - I think - when the movie came out, so I think I can be forgiven missing some of the finer aspects of it at the time. Back then, I thought it was a darn cool flick, but last night it was amazing - in a feel-good way, not a paradigm-changing way. I think Alex got a little weary of my hoots of laughter and various comments, but I couldn't help it! I think I understand now why hardcore fans had a problem with the idea of Tim Burton getting his hands on the franchise. Why mess with a canon that ain't broke? I also understand why half of the women in the western world fell in love with Christopher Reeve, but I don't think we need to get into that just now...
          Darnit, it makes me want to just run right out and file my citizenship application. I know, I know, the irony inherent in the notion of an alien as an all-American icon is simply vast, but I don't care. I think I've just added Superman onto the list of movies that make Johanna squeal uncontrollably. It's a very short list.
          And it saved me from being in a foul mood last night. I had to stay late at work to take care of some things - not a problem in itself - but the commute home was slow and heinous. A pox on pre-adolescent rapstas who think it's funny to run up to cars at stop signs and pretend to be carjacking 'em... By the time I reached Concord, I was ready to start swinging a baseball bat at anyone who got within range.

Sewing Musings
          By the time I got home with my heart-attack dinner - Alex and I stopped by Nation's - it was nearly nine o'clock and I was in no mood to organize the sewing room. Maybe tonight. Probably tonight, as I really want to do some work on Saturday.

Gaming Musings
         Alex swears he's going to make the character sheets for the lupine moot today. I hope he does, as the players are kind of itching for them. We're just going to use the current edition of Laws of the Wild. If the new edition ships in time, we'll upgrade, but I don't think that it's going to reach us in a timely manner. Then we can get cracking on the plots. It turns out Alex kept his notes from a never-run lupine chronicle a couple of years ago, so it looks like we can recycle a few of those ideas into events for the game. Phew!

          Meanwhile, the retooling of SteinCorp continues apace. It's not so much a case of re-writing things, as making sure that Alex and I are both on the same page. Whaddya mean you thought Plot Device A was going to be in PC X's hands? I thought PC Y was going to get a hold of it and offer to sell it to PC Z? We're at the stage where we have to write everything down, just so we remember it and can refer to it later. Another secondary plot got retooled just a bit, but I think that's it for major plotline alterations. From this point onward, the plots are only being refined because of details I'm coming up with for the characters. Let's make it so that PC X really dislikes the Narn, so that means when Plot Device B kicks in, he's really not going to want to help them, which will bring PC Y into the matter...
          I love coming up with funky character bits, so that's not even work for me. Again, I've just got to remember to write all of this down...
         

May '01        Index        July '01