November 2nd

                It's been another one of those boring/busy periods. Which I guess is a good thing, as it means there have been no disasters, lately.
                Work is going well. Rick gritted his teeth, agreed to some conditions he didn't like, insisted on some the leaser didn't like, and it looks like the lease for the train-car in Potrero Hill will be signed early next week. Yay! After all this rigmarole, I really hope the space works out for us. Once I have some pictures - probably on Tuesday, as I know Rick wants to start moving our things in ASAP - I'll post them online.
                Getting a DSL hookup to this place could be very interesting. I'm already having a divil of a time finding a voicemail solution that will run on our rather antiquated Toshiba phone system...

                Niftiest costume I saw on Halloween: a bike messenger had put a pari chiffon-and-wire butterfly wings on her back and a pair of antennae on her helmet...

                Life's little ironies, number 37. I'm too broke to get my hair colored on Friday, as I originally planned, so I'm giving my appointment to Dave so he can finish the peroxide job we began last weekend. He really wants to go platinum - strangely enough, blonde rather suits him - but I've never met a head of hair so resistant to chemicals as his. The irony is this, I earn twice as much as that lad does, but he's got the cash to consider hair appointments. Hmph. Yeah yeah, he didn't his car towed last week.
                As it is, we had just enough cash to go to CostCo and stock up on food for the next couple of weeks - frozen fishsticks and chicken, ahoy! Other than that, we have cash for commuting and that's about it. Sigh
                Oh, I almost forgot. Alex has a new job, starting Monday. It's a little fuzzy and certainly unexciting, but it pays $38K per year and has full benes after 60 days. They're not entirely sure what he's going to do, but there's a strong possibility he'll have to do (gulp) tech-support for his employer's product - web-based payroll outsourcing. Oh boy, my idiot-intolerant hunnybunny is gonna have to do tech-support... Listen for the explosions.

                Cryptic message for he who'll get it:
                Jon, don't worry too much. I haven't done too much to keep up the friendship at my end, either. I think we just know each other so bloody well, we've run out of things to say to each other... Don't let the impending three-oh prompt you into any stupid decisions - or impart a permanent crick-in-the-neck from looking back over your shoulder. And I assume that if your entry does qualify for Battlebots you'll be wanting to stay here while visiting? ;)

                Apparently I've been 'darker than usual' - at least, that's according to Jennifer. I found that declaration a bit surprising. I think that everyone's so used to being share-everything-tell-everyone motormouth that, during this rare period when I've been clamming up about some personal issues, the spectators are thrown for a loop. If I had an iota more conscience, I might feel guilty for shutting Jenn et al out, but the Great Unpleasantness (as it is being referred to over at Miskatonic Acres) is very much a private matter, and better off that way. Sorry if I've upset y'all, but I guess I've finally found something even I won't talk about.
                Like disco and kidney stones, this too will pass...

                Gaming Musings
                Dave and I have been playing ping-pong with the Anja/Monsignor vignette and it's shaped up pretty well. One more round of minor tweaking from Dave and I think it'll be ready to publish. Then we'll just have to think about the sequel. Heh heh heh.
                Talking of Aragon apparently we're suffering a resurgence of that which plagues every larp: accusations of favoritism by the players. Dave is claiming he's 'heard from several players' that they perceive us as playing favorites, to their detriment. Sigh. Why can't these people talk to us, I wonder? What is the point of trying to run an open, player-driven game if the players don't communicate? Of course, Dave can't/won't name-names...
                Once again, I'm going to have to dust off my usual schpiel about favoritism in games - particularly LARPs.
                Listen up all you live-action GMs and players: Favoritism happens. Cope with it. If you feel left out, find out what it takes to be a favorite and do that. I assure you both you and the GM will be happier for it - just don't be a total toady - and the difference is usually pretty obvious.
                Just like a royal court, GM favor ebbs and surges (okay, is my ego out of control yet?). We get our pet projects, we dedicate time to them, and we move on. I'll agree that, at the moment, the GMs of Aragon are focusing a lot of attention on three particular characters - Corianna Stancliffe, Tommy Wong and Hilario Mendez. That's derived partially from their character histories, but mostly from the direction the game has gone in. With the introduction of an inhumane regime in charge of court, this hits some very specific buttons those players built into their characters. GMs love big red shiny fuck-with-my-character buttons, so of course we're going to press them. In a month, we'll be messing with someone else. Two months ago, people were complaining that we were paying too much attention to the Tremere and 'occulty' vampires - and they were right then, too.
                Favorites happen. The focus of a game shifts and flows to emphasize different characters and situations depending upon the forces currently active. Players who see this as favoritism obviously never watched a soap-opera over a long period of time... Sometimes one cadre of characters would be the core of several episodes, then another group would step to the fore. It's not the writers playing favorites (well, unless the ratings really run the show) it's creating variety for the viewers. Running an ongoing LARP is very much like writing a soap opera on the fly - and much more challenging. A professional writer, I ain't.
                Oh yes, I'm going to be putting all this forth to playership, soon. I just thought some of you gamer-phreaks (fess up, I know you're there) might get something out of the mini-rant. ;)

      ***

      November 6th

                Okay, who gave my muse speed?
                Friday night was the Star Wars game. It was...alright. I think I'm going to have to reconsider my character in that chronicle, altough my case of the blahs might be more directly related to the fact that I'm just plain pooped on a Friday night. We had kicked everyone out by midnight, so no great strain, there.
                Saturday, Alex and I spent most of the day at my parents' house - not realizing they were due to return that afternoon, not Sunday afternoon as we had thought. Regardless, they didn't seem too put out to come home and find me cutting up a new pattern and Alex running laundry through the washer. Phew.
                The sewing thing got a bit out of hand, as I realized at 1AM on Sunday morning, whereupon I had been sewing for just about seven hours, straight. No wonder the waistband on the trousers I was constructing came out a little cockeyed... It was one of those days when almost every single seam was sewn incorrectly the first time out. It wouldn't have taken me half as long, otherwise. As it is, the pants are fine. Not perfect, but certainly good enough. Covered in carpet fluff, though.
                Bounced out of bed relatively early the next day and, after a short morning's potter, started writing up ideas with which to co-opt Dave's pulp heroes game. It was just one of those brainstorms that Alex and I came up with while getting groceries. It has since grown out of control. I spent about four hours on that little thing, getting the first two adventures written down. I'm stymied on the third (of probably four) parts until I do a little more reading about which imperial powers controlled various bits of Africa after the Great War. Eight pages and counting... Sheesh.
                Never mind the fact that most of Saturday was accompanied by various Sherlock Holmes films, the long-term results of which are a threatened rash of fanfic-fever... For sheer giggles, I had taped Hands of a Murderer - a TV movie of a non-canon Sherlock Holmes tale. The film isn't that good - except for the costuming - and the fact that Anthony Andrews (as Moriarty) is clearly having far too much fun and he stops just short of mincing across the screen. Mind you, I think that could be said of many of Mr. Andrews' roles in the past...
                For a followup, I caught Ian Richardson (most of you lovely readers probably know him as Francis Urquhart in House of Cards) gleefully romping through The Sign of the Four. That one was a TV movie too, but with much better production values and I really preferred Richardson in this to Woodward in the former. I think one critic summarized it as 'Richardson's Holmes delights in his own cleverness' - and that pretty much summed that up.
                So I was absorbing all that while on my sewing binge, and I'm back to kicking around ideas for a Holmes fic/pastiche. Honestly, I doubt it'll come to much, but it's nice to be feeling vaguely creative.
                So this sudden burst of creativity on my part had the effect of getting my poor little mind totally hyperactive, while my body wore itself out back on Saturday - sewing is more strenuous than you might expect. So last night was an absolute joy as my subconcious tried to pick up where my conscious mind left off - lots and lots of dreams - while I woke up every couple of hours for at least a half-hour at a time, brimming with various ideas throughout. Ugh, very tiring. It seems that, now awake, my much-abused muse is not willing to relinquish control.
                Another night of this and I'll be a wreck. I was pretty damned loopy yesterday as it was. Although I think drinking my own weight in Pepsi and tea might have had something to do with that...

      ***

      November 9th

                It's been a very busy few days - and I'm not referring to the election. As a non-citizen, I'm just keeping my head down and my mouth shut until a final answer is announced. Not that it makes waiting any easier, but I figure it decreases the likelihood of my saying something utterly stupid in the meantime.

                It's temporary, but go take a look. The new office - sans furniture, though. We started moving in today - I nearly killed myself (and my boss) hauling in the huge-ass oak desk he bought for his office. Me, I'll be lucky if I get something out of pressed particleboard... Actually, that's an utter lie. If I can find something that matches it (not a small order, given that I've got to match something from the late 50's) that doesn't cost too much, I can have it. Oh, and it's got to fit through a door that is 27.75 inches wide - either entirely or in pieces. The narrow entryway to the train has had a severe impact on the furniture-buying process...
                Tomorrow is more furniture-moving, lots of cleaning-up of aforementioned desks and such, waiting for the PacBell guy and meeting the artist who is doing the corporate branding. Meanwhile, my boss is making a conference table over the weekend. A regular Paul Bunion, he is...

                Gaming Musings
                Oh, I've been having far too much fun with Aragon this week. I've let Anja off the leash and I'm madly messing with another PC, Hilario. Fortunately, Hilario is being played by Chris B. who gave the GMs free-rein to madly mess with his darling - and we've done so with a veangence.
                Last night, while Jennifer, Dave and James handled some downtime of their own, Chris and I headed out for a bite to eat (with Alex and Chris' wife, the not-starkitten-Jennifer) and RP'd a meeting between Hilario and Anja for a couple of hours. I had a blast, although Chris' character has the same flaws mine always have: the ability to debate anything into the ground. I really think we could have fenced for another two hours (we chatted for about that long) without actually coming to a conclusion about anything. And we like it that way. Heh.
                But our schedules rarely mesh, so now the whole thing will be going to e-mail, which is fine by me. I can be much more evil when the other guy can't see my face. Yeah, yeah, I know, that sentence sums up the entire online-chat community, right there.

                Oh, I almost forgot - the latest vignette - featuring Anja and the Monsignor - is finally completed. Heh.

      ***

      November 11th

                Amidst all the election hullabaloo, has anyone remembered that today is Armistice Day? Okay, so maybe World War One ain't so relevant to most of you, but it still needs to be remembered. Bah. I'm going to be grumpy all day, now, as I only just remembered it myself. In the U.K., the entire dam' week would have been building up to it. Well, maybe not anymore...sigh.

                Meanwhile, life proceeds apace. I just about seared my lungs cleaning the office yesterday. Anybody got any tips for getting encrusted grime - including rust - off textured chrome/steel? I'm afraid steel wool will scratch the surface too much, but good ol' Goof Off (special extra-smelly variety) didn't seem to do the trick. But it was worth it, of course. After all, I don't need our clients knowing we're slobs...
                Rick and I met with Darren yesterday to look at his initial designs for logos. My boss wants feedback from strangers, so go take a look at them and tell me which you like. They didn't photograph so well - a shortcoming of my camera, I think - but they're clear enough. Logo3.jpg has some really-fine engraving-type lines on it, but I don't think they came out too well...
                Me, I thought they all looked pretty good, but I'll hold off my opinion for a couple of days. As I say, my boss wants me to get some non-employees to take a gander and get their opinion. ;)

                Thinking of opinions, am I going to get keel-hauled for trying to stay out of the ongoing discussions about the election? I'm on a buddys-from-Connecticut mailing list (aka, the Society of Syrinx) and tempers have been flaring up all week. The flames have been fanned, mostly, by the posts of the group's one dedicated Libertarian - who voted Bush, and don't ask me why as I doubt he's going to be very sympathetic to my friend's alternative-lifestyle, but I digress. Anyways, that situation seems to by symptomatic of everyone around me right now. At the moment, I'm too frightened to even make my usual abstaining comments, lest I get lectured on civic values and how bloody important this situation is.
                Fellas, if it was that important, how come the majority of those eligible to vote, didn't? (That in itself is a whole other rant, but I'll save it for another day)
                Actually, I'm not denying the massive impact of this brouhaha, but I am a little disgusted that, like the last episode of some soap opera, people are only caring because the situation is a little more exciting than usual. Last time I checked, the NFL usually got better ratings than any election coverage.
                The electoral college system has been whacked for years - and why does everyone seem to think that voter-fraud has been an impossibility since the Depression? But the poor sods who've been trying for election reform for ages have been dismissed or laughed at. I suppose they're laughing now, albeit rather bitterly.
                Yeah yeah, Johanna, you're not a citizen, you can't vote, so hush up. Well, usually I would, but this is my corner of the web to rant as I please. And insensibly, too - don't think I haven't noticed that I've gone a tad off the rails...
                Umm. I have no idea what the point of all that was, but it felt good.

                Gaming Musings
                My intended pulp-game didn't happen last night as Jennifer was stuck at work until nearly 8PM and she was far too pooped to attend. I was still a little loopy from inhaling Goof-Off fumes and a bit pooped myself, so we all went out to dinner, instead. Good thing, too, as I was having some difficulty remembering the intended plot and I couldn't find my notes.

                Meanwhile, Alex is off to Bob's D&D game tonight. I think I'll just stay home and write up some more evil things to happen to Hilario...

      ***

      November 12th

                I'm writing this before the hangover hits... It's 12:09AM, you see...
                Yesterday was Alex's dad's birthday. Well, the celebration of, at least. Alex and I headed over in the afternoon to hang out, eat a little dinner and have a good time. Two hours, tops , I figured.
                I didn't account for roughhousing with the kids, eating dinner, watching the Powerpuff Girls and discussing crayon colors with two-year-old Emily. Silly me. Thank heavens Alex is much better with younger people than I am. I dread the time when we finally have kids, as I do not understand the language of two-year-olds most of the time....
                Anyways, four hours and three bottles of wine later, Melissa and I were headed back to my house with Chad (Melissa's son) and Kirsten (Melissa's sorta adopted daughter) to watch "The Matrix" and drink a few beers. Well, those of us over 21 were drinking beers and occasionally yelling "Listen to this! You can do more with your mind than in reality! This is important!" at the kids. I think some of it sank in. No, really!
                This might sound goofy, but I remember my parents (and their friends) saying to me "Remember this, it'll be important to you in a few years" - and, while mentally dismissing them, I did remember it - just in case, y'know. Admittedly, I usually remembered it about five minutes after I needed it, but it was there! Those things were important!
                Anyways, it was one of the nicest evenings I've had in a while. Melissa and I had a long talk about our mutual interest - Alex - and I learned some interesting things. Some of it was a bit...odd...but interesting.
                Just before Joanne died, she told us to watch out for signs. She had her own belief system that she rigidly clung to. Death was not the end of everything - she said - just the end of obvious communication. "The occasional odd breeze," she said, "a chill down your spine when you're thinking about me - that'll be me". At the time, I just nodded and smiled. When a person is dying, you don't laugh at them.
                Despite my deeply-buried mushy streak, I'm a cynical person. Thanks, Dad.
                Anyways, so I was talking with Melissa. Now, I love her very much, but she has some notions that I consider a little...odd. For example, I'm convinced she was raised by entirely different people than Alex was - but she, herself, is coming to terms with that, via the wonders of therapy. Anyways, I like her, but sometimes our world-views don't quite mesh... So, we were talking about Joanne, and what she said to us, about looking out for her. Melissa told me, very matter-of-factly, that she and Joanne worked out a meeting time and place, and that she has been having regular confabs with Joanne since her death. Whatever might actually be, Melissa has found those confabs very useful. She's also told me that Joanne believes Alex needs a hit upside the head to help him notice Messages From Mom. Well, if she's been using dreams to reach him, I'm not surprised he's been clueless - he's always had a hard time remembering dreams...
                Honestly, I'm not one to kick another person's beliefs about - not much. So much of theology depends upon faith. If you believe it, you can do it. All faiths take that as a tenant. "There is more in heaven and earth, Horatio..." - Shakespeare wasn't just smoking crack, y'know. Well, not in my opinion. and I've seen some pretty nifty things established by faith, alone - and I'm not talking about just Judeo-Christian fiath. Ask me about the Nigerian vodoun chief I knew in college.... So, if Melissa believes that she and Joanne are having regular conversations, I'm not going to argue it - especially since Melissa finds those conversations very beneficial. And if Melissa thinks Joanne has something to say to Alex, I'm not going to get in the way of that, either. I may be a cynical little whatsit, but I still have those unevolved ganglion in the back of my head that say maybe...just maybe...
                And Alex has a more highly developed sense of spirituality than I do, so conclusions are entirely up to him. This is his family, not mine, and I don't want to interfere too much...

      ***

      November 14th

                Oh dear, I certainly paid the piper for that foolishness...
                I spent most of Sunday hiding under the blankets and praying for death. Not just a hangover, but a migraine too. The bitchy thing about that kind of combination is that I can't tell what discomfort is owed to which factor. Migraines = headache, nausea, fatigue and sensitivity to light. Hangovers = pretty much the same thing. However, hangover headaches do not feel like an icepick to the temple. They're much more evenly distributed.
                So, not much to report on Sunday. Got up, ate something, decided that both actions were a mistake and went back to bed. Alex, bless him, didn't say "I told you so" - not even once.

                Work proceeds apace with one caveat - that train car is cold! Well, we are having a cold snap right now, and Rick likes things cooler than I do...but at this rate, I'm going to have to start wearing fingerless-gloves at my computer, like a latter-day Fagin...

                Gaming Musings
                Ooooh! I just hate it when I write up all kinds of kewl, nifty, mess-with-your head stuff for a player and then their character puts the brakes on! Yeah, I'm talking about Hilario in Aragon, again. It's all perfectly legitimate - Hilario has permission to slow things down whenever he likes. I'm just an impatient GM who can't wait to see the player's face as the plot unfolds. And I can't do that if his dratted character won't cooperate! Mutter, grumble.
                Yes, the situation is amusing. Don't think I'm seriously upset. It's the good kind of upset that GMs get when a story is going really well.
                Meanwhile, an alarming number of characters in that game are finding reasons to explore BDSM. Some of the players are already familiar with the scene, but others aren't. Uh-oh. What have we unleashed here? I'm all for horizon-broadening, but I don't need a decent little vampire game becoming an extended dungeon. For one thing, the vanilla players wouldn't like it at all...

                Meanwhile, Dave is now talking about launching an AD&D campaign. Last week it was going to be a horror game. Four weeks ago, he was supposed to be on top of the Pulp game (which I have since co-opted). Sigh. I don't think I'm going to join this latest venture until he proves that it's going to last more than three episodes. That seems to be the threshold for him. If a campaign makes it to game four, it'll go for a while, but until then, don't put any money on it. I put a lot of thought into Violet and Elena for his games, only to have them left languishing when he lost interest. What a bloody waste.
                Yeah, I'm a bit peeved about it. But it's only gaming, so I can let it go...
                Speaking of letting things go, I'm almost certain I'm going to quit playing Dora in Alex's Star Wars game. I thought playing a bimbo idiot-savant would be amusing for a while, but that while turned out to be much shorter than I thought. I'll be skipping the upcoming game - to go to a friend's party in the city on Friday - and I'll give some thought to what I'm going to play after that, if anything. At the moment, Aragon is taking up enough of my time and creative juices to keep me happy...

      ***

      November 15th

                A day of little account. Chris and Jen Brecheen and James came over on Tuesday night, ostensibly to watch Buffy, but we ended up talking to each other instead (shock!) over Chinese food. I've discovered that the nearby sushi joint is pretty good, so I happily hoovered up a pile of raw tuna, salmon and some stuff that I have no idea what it was, but it tasted pretty good all the same. Japanese food can be such an adventure sometimes.

                The day at work was very quiet. I'm still getting things organized, and suffering some nasty writers' block on creating content for the web-site. Ah well, it'll pass. I'll get on top of it sooner or later. I just wish I had a dial-in connection so I don't get snowed by e-mail when I get home... The DSL line is on order, but Rick's having a devil of a time getting a modem, my computer, the phone system and my machine to talk to each other...

                This evening was nice, 'though. Alex and I took a few bucks to the used bookstore and picked up a few things. I grabbed an armload of Robert Graves' work, including his two-volume set on the Greek myths and his study of the manifestations of the fertility goddess in pre-Christian Europe. Graves' style is very readable, and I gleefully recommend him to anyone who'll listen. However, don't read Goodbye to All That unless you're mentally prepared for something pretty dam' harrowing.

                Meanwhile, at the other end of the scale: perky ankh! Isn't it the cutest thing? John Kovalic is flogging 'em as yet-another-way to raise money. Naturally, I'm buying one. Say it with Igor: It MUST be mine!

                Gaming Musings
                Oh boy! Aragon is ten days away. Plots? What are those? Whee! Right now, I'm just hoping players read (and react!) to what's in the newsletter. For all I've heard from the list lately, they may as well be on the moon.

                Meanwhile, I'm starting to get the Cthulhu LARP bug again. Maybe it'll stick this time...

      ***

      November 16th

                Warning! Rampant wallowing ahead! 
                I'm at work right now. The boss is at a pitch in Arizona, so things are very quiet. I'm spending most of time tidying up, playing solitaire and reading one of the Robert Graves books I picked up the other day - in between futile bouts of trying to find a hairdresser who has an appointment available before Thanksgiving (gack).
                So, of course, when my mind is idle, it pulls out the old what-have-you-done-with-your-life stick and beats me about with it. Tiring as it is, it still happens, and will no doubt continue until the day I die. That doesn't make the internal monologue much easier to listen to.
                Oh yeah, sweet crib you've got here Johanna. Fifty grand a year to act as a glorified secretary - not bad. But isn't this a little far off the ol' intended mark? And where do you go from here?
                Everyone compromises, I understand that. Only the very lucky or very determined get to have the kind of career/life they envisioned when younger. I've got to admit I'm damn glad I haven't had to give up a lot more than just career aspirations. On the plus-side, I've got a great job, a good husband and, if I don't mess things up too badly, I'm reasonably confident we'll have a good family.
                (Quick aside: yes, the notion of having children stills fills me with dread, but I'm not getting any younger and I'm not going to be winning any Academy Awards or getting on the best-seller list, I think raising a child that actually says 'please' and 'thankyou' in the midst of this rude culture will be a sufficiently glorious accomplishment)
                But every now and then, I just get a bit disenchanted. This is it. Secretarial work, a messy house, fretting over bills.
                Too many novels, that's my problem. Fictional characters get to have all the fun - it's understandable that I'm going to get a little resentful of the fact that Bruce Wayne never seems to deal with the IRS. No, I don't want to be a superhero - I don't have the figure for that spandex outfit for a start... But the prospect of thirty-odd years of domestic bliss stretching out before me seems so dam' bleak.
                Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it won't be so bloody dull while I'm experiencing it - I'm told there's nothing like a hyper-kinetic toddler to get a tired ticker going - but I'm talking about now, not later.
                Alex keeps telling me "Don't worry honey, you'll be able to get back into film, someday." I don't think he realizes what a joke that is. The ground-level of the film industry is for young, single people who can work 18 hours a day without keeling over and without having to worry about coming home to anything other than a dying houseplant. And I wouldn't be starting anywhere but the bottom. All my rusting degree gets me is in the door.
                Broadcasting/TV would be an option, if we lived in L.A. (ugh) or NYC, but we don't, so never mind that. And I'll never be as serious about writing as Jennifer or Chris. Which is a shame because, in my more arrogant moments, I'm willing to believe I'm pretty good at it - this journal notwithstanding, natch.
                And precisely how one would cope with a family and an entry-level PA salary in the Bay Area is a situation that doesn't bear contemplating. What I need is a town that pays like San Francisco and has the costs of Dubuque, Iowa. Then again, that's what we all need...
                Anyways, so one takes whatever career one can at the point. Fine. I'm happy with my current situation and I'm crossing my fingers that Alex will be able to find more than an GOOD (Get Out Of Debt) job in a few months.
                Depending upon how this election brouhaha turns out... I don't know. Alex and I keep talking about moving out the area, but we're not terribly serious. I like the culture here - although there are some aspects I wouldn't miss - and Alex is still very reluctant to leave his family (particularly his Dad) just yet. And our favorite choices for places to go cost just about the same - or more - as the SF Bay Area (NYC, Seattle-area, the nicer parts of Connecticut, London) so it's not much of a trade-up.
                Before my mother calls me screeching 'WHAT??' down the phone, let me re-emphasize that Alex and I are not very serious about moving far away. My mom wants to be near the incipient grandchild, you see... Honestly, we're lazy people, and moving cross-country would be a severe pain in the ass, no matter how many nifty job listings Alex finds at Wizard Magazine might be. I suppose we might still be cajoled into looking seriously at Mendicino county - some tech companies are moving up there as physical location becomes less relevant to a technology company's business - but then we're back to the income-versus-cost-of-living conundrum.
                I guess it all boils down to feeling like I'm in a rut. I've been doing the same work for four years, now. I've been with Alex for just about the same length of time. I've been living in the Bay Area for ten years, which is the longest time I've remained in the same place (I think the U.K. doesn't really count, as my memories of that time are fuzzy, at best). So I suppose I'm getting a little bored, too. Stability is good - heavens know I'm catching that little disease from my elders - but I feel like I'm starting to stagnate. I'm not about to switch careers, I'm certainly not trading my husband in, so I guess that leaves locale...
                "Have a kid, Johanna! That'll stir those stagnant waters!" Oh hush, you. I want a bit of change, not chaos. Not just yet.

                Even this journal has been getting repetitive.
      1) Kvetch about money
      2) Bitch about my messy house
      3) Brood about thwarted career
      4) Brood/gloat about gaming.

                I'm starting to feel like this journal is merely a sophisticated 'Mad-Lib' - fill in the spaces from this list of words to describe how Johanna is feeling today. Bah.

                Ack! Whining is such a bloody waste of time! Of course, when I get to feeling like this, self-pity and self-loathing start playing piggy-in-the-middle with my esteem and that's just a hoot, let me tell you.
                Okay, enough of this. Lemme find a happy topic to counteract all this...
      ....
                It'll come to me...
      ....
                Any minute now...
      ...
                Aw hell, let me keep on the moving-out-of-town topic for a minute or two.
      Seattle-area - specifically Port Townsend/Port Angeles. Prettier than anything, a little costly (compared to the surrounding area) and work could be tough to find unless Alex and I are suddenly seized with the urge to run a bed and breakfast. The very notion of my running a B&B makes me wince, and my readers too, I'm sure... But it's oozing with history, pleasantly damp without being as cold as Vancouver/Toronto and, since they've got to be a tourist-friendly area, not entirely blanketed with conservatives.
      NYC - hardly a serious consideration, as we would have to commute from, roughly, Pennsylvania. Also, my mother would have a heart attack at the notion of my living anywhere close to the five boroughs and would probably insist I call every day to reassure her I'm alright. But NYC is a deeply nifty city. More museums, shops and interesting places to visit than almost anywhere else on the globe. However, I would no doubt fall into the same rut I'm in, here, which is never actually visiting any of that nifty culture because, y'know, it's right there and I'll get to it sometime... And the cost of living. And the crime... 'nuff said.
      Connecticut - pretty, cold enough in the winter for Alex, decent schools in some towns and I'm at least reasonably familiar with the place. But the entire state rolls up the sidewalks at 5PM, most of my friends who were there are gone, or about to go, and I think Alex might lose his mind during those hot, humid summers. But it's an option - relatively close to NYC and Boston and halfway towards London, for visiting English family...
      London/UK in general - well, once Alex and I have been married long enough, I can get him a passport and working permission reasonably easily but... Well, it's England. The food stinks, the weather's worse, the schools are going to Hades and, brother, if you think the U.S. income tax rate is high here, just complain to a Brit. They'll tell you just how good you have it in the States. But...crime is still better than it is here, any school system's flaws can be counteracted by a parent and - at the rate the cultural erosion is going - the place is going to be the de-facto 51st state by 2010 anyways. Oh, spare me any grief over that last comment. People have been gloomily predicting the UK's admission to the USA since about 1945...
                So, no clear winners. It doesn't really matter, since I think it'll take a major earthquake to motivate me enough to get off my ass and move, anyways.
                Hm, okay, happier stuff.

                By dint of a small miracle, I've got the entire household booked for hair appointments at my favorite place on Saturday. Dave's going to be getting his hair re-bleached. I can't believe how yellow it is after just three weeks, I've never encountered a head so resistant to peroxide. Alex, meanwhile, will be getting his first non-Supercuts cut in about five years. Now that he's got reasonably long hair (yay!) he deserves a visit with a decent stylist to determine what he can do with it. Meanwhile, I'm going to get my color redone. Although whether I'm going to dye it down to my root color (very dark brown) or lighten it all again is yet to be determined. As usual, it depends upon how persuasive my stylist is... No, I don't think I'll be coming home with purple hair...

                Friday night is Victoria Vitalie's Penance-NV party at a club in the city. Vic is an interesting individual who seems to be a mistress of the art of self-promotion. In addition to her regular job - I think she's over at muses, inc. now - she creates and sells her own line of clothing and now it seems she's leaping into the depths of performance art and poetry. Whatever. She's a fun chela, I haven't seen her for a couple of months, I know a few Modemites will be at the party, and it's an occasion to dress up. With Victoria, I know I will never out-dress the hostess, so I can have some fun. Not too much fun, though, as I've got to ride the bus across town after work to get to the party locale...
                And the fact that I have to get BART home will also save me from over-indulging or turning into a pumpkin.

                Gaming Musings
                Last night, I reminded da guys that the next Aragon game is coming up in nine days. I was gratified by their panicked expression that was much akin to mine upon realizing that same fact. It's the primary reason we're scrambling for hair appointments, but I digress. Tonight's going to be some serious plot crunching - fortunately, several players have managed to amuse themselves quite nicely and have unwittlingly set the pieces in place not for this upcoming event, but certainly for the December event I've got planned. Meanwhile, I'm sure the three of us can cook up a few interesting bits and bobs for November 25th.

                Alex got a bit pouty when I stood by my decision to remove Dora from his Star Wars game. I don't blame him, as I'm sure it upsets a couple of things he had in mind - although I doubt it upsets them that much. Dora wasn't a terribly vital member of the crew. Dave's character was a better pilot, and Jenn's character has a good-enough grasp of Imperial culture and politics, so they'll do just fine without cute ol' Dora. Alex and I talked about replacement characters - initially I wasn't too keen on playing anything new - but we came up with something that might work. I can't talk about here, because at least two of the group read this journal and I don't want to give anything away. Heh.

      ***

      November 18th

                As you might have noticed, I've a bit of a downer on the city of Los Angeles. It's entirely personal and arbitrary - I lived there for the first year I was in America and, frankly, with the attitude I had, I could have been living in Heaven and I would have found a way to dislike it. Since that time, I've considered LA a necessary evil - necessary and entirely avoidable. It's irrational, but there it is.
                There is only one thing that gives me an even vaguely good feeling about LA, and it's a blasted movie soundtrack. Now, you might laugh, but have a listen to the soundtrack for To Live and Die In LA, by Wang Chung. I know, Wang Chung is a 1980's joke, but this album proved they actually had some talent behind the relentless self-promotion. Some. The song "Lullaby" in particular provides some amusing/evocative imagery. Entirely fraudulent imagery, mind you, but that fits the city I suppose.
                And that's the only thing that can get me thinking positively about LA, even in the abstract. That and Disneyland. Okay. Two things. Enough, Cardinal Biggles! Onto other subjects...

                So, anyways. I went to Victoria's party last night, and I'm glad I heeded the little voice in my head that said "You're going to have to ride public transit, so tone the outfit down a little, huh?". I wore an outfit that was dressy and only a little bit daring if I unbuttoned my jacket (I was wearing my red bodice with some dressy slacks). Meanwhile, everyone else was in their Friday-night-going-out-clothes - a lot of leather, I noticed, but not exciting leather. Sigh. I'm too used to gamers. I'm too used to people who, when urged to follow a theme for an event, do so. Ah well, no loss.
                Victoria's fashion show was great, although all her clothes are best for people who are rail-thin. Still, they were nifty to see up close, as the web site doesn't quite do 'em justice. Vic's also got a line of postcards together using some nifty original graphics and prose - with luck she'll have them available for purchase soon, as I rather liked 'em.
                I got to meet up with some former-vividians and discover that, after a huge hiring blitz - which I left in the middle of - Modem Media is now in a round of layoffs (go figure) and they let 3 of the 5 most-senior engineers go. The logic of that one escapes me. One of the remaining fellas was telling me that they were all ready to quit, anyways, and volunteered to be laid off to get their hands on a substantial whack of conscience money - I mean, the generous severance package. This, of course, means it's going to be super-stressful for those who remain. The phrase of the evening was "Are you still with MM? You are? When are you leaving?"
                I only stayed for a couple of hours, as the atmosphere was not conducive to sobriety, there's only so much conversation one can have in a noisy club and I had to get to BART before turning into a pumpkin at midnight. Aside from somehow missing Chris H. who was supposed to show up, it was a fine little evening.

                Today was a pampering day. Got my legs and eyebrows waxed over at my usual place, and then Alex, Dave and I all piled into my hairdresser's place. Joe - my hairdresser - managed to juggle all three of us quite handily and, by late afternoon, Dave's bleaching had been redone (his hair is the white blonde he wanted), Alex had gotten a nice haircut and I had gotten my hair recolored and highlighted. The shade is supposed to be a reddish-brown, although the red doesn't show much except in strong light. Still, it's a good color and I'm happy to err on the side of caution. I can always have the red cranked up a notch next time.
                Heh, I'm even talking to Joe about building a web site for his shop - the usual work-for-trade deal. At $20/hour for my web-bashing (a ridiculously low price since I'm a rampant amateur) I can probably cover at least the next round of household hairdos. ;)
                We did a little mall-crawling after that, but our hearts weren't in it... It was naptime for the britgeek... All in all, a luvly day. Expensive, but all viable costs, in my vain opinion... ;)

                If you ask me eversonicely, I can upload an MP3 of the aforementioned Wang Chung song, if yer curious.

      ***

      November 20th

                I'm not an optimist, I just have a really short attention span.

                At the moment, my scanty attention is being hoovered up by Aragon which isn't a terribly good thing, as it's managed to suck up the braincells I should have been devoting to work. Aiyee! Fortunately, I got inspired this morning and managed to crank out a few ideas/designs that I think have created the illusion that I did some work over the weekend. Of course, I keep coming up with ideas that cost far more than we've got budgeted for such things as party invitations. Whaddya mean we can't rent the Goodyear Blimp?
                Beg pardon, I'm a little hyperkinetic after a very gloomy weekend. It's all PMS and utterly artificial, but I'd rather be up than down, so I'm rolling with it. The weekend, particularly yesterday, was spent in a pretty bleak state of mind. Take Friday's entry and roll it in gravel... (quick! random Bloom County reference - "Could you pass me the peanuts of pathos?") Frighteningly enough, I don't even come close to qualifying as PMDD, so I can't help wincing when I think about those women who are on a real emotional roller-coaster once a month. Ouch.

                Gamers! If you don't already, you must read Dork Tower by John Kovalic. Alex and I just picked up the latest issue, and Alex is demanding to know how the writer/artist managed to eavesdrop on our relationship... See, it features a perky-goth and a gamer-guy who madly like each other, but get set up with the wrong people - at first... Grin/grump, I still maintain I'm not nearly as perky as Gilly (perkygoth of said cartoon) but it's kinda hard to fight such accusations with the recent purchase of Kovalic's perky ankh looming in the background.

                Visited the parents last night, and discovered that Susan is still very leery about becoming a U.S. citizen. Her reasons are very valid - she doesn't want to swear some irrevocable oath of loyalty to the United States until she's sure she means it. I can only imagine what kind of conflict she's dealing with, having lived in the U.K. for over thirty years. I was there for barely more than ten, and I've got almost more baggage than I can deal with. Alex's feathers were a little ruffled at first - you can take the boy out of military... - but he calmed down once he got a better understanding of Susan's hesitance. It's not that she's disloyal to the U.S., just that she's got a significant amount of emotional (and a smidge political) attachment to her past home and that can't be shucked off as quickly as signing a bit of paper. At least, I think that's the situation. With my mother, nothing's ever really guaranteed.
                Ahem. To The Friends of Susan Club: there's no need to repeat this little bit of speculation, alright? She doesn't like it when I talk about her in this journal, apparently - even though I don't say anything here that I wouldn't say to her, or to my friends directly...
                I've just got to cover my ass on this one...

                Gaming Musings
                Oh, goody gumdrops! Alex has approved my character for his Star Wars game. I'm sworn to secrecy, so I don't ruin the surprise for the other players (hi Jenn, James). It's not much a surprise, really, but even little ones are fun...
                Did I just use the phrase goody gumdrops in casual conversation? Oh dear, I did. Time to cut down on the over-sugared coffee. But it was decaf!
                Where was I? Oh yes...

                We did some plot-storming for Aragon on Saturday night, and it went really well. It may have come a couple of months later than I anticipated, but it seems that many of the PCs are now looking after themselves quite nicely, and creating their own plots, which takes a lot of pressure of the GMs. We still direct the action, in an overall sense, but our need to create 'NPC of the Week' at each event has decreased dramatically. That's a hell of a relief, given that Dave was just about running himself to death playing all those guys...
                Additionally, we're in the process of retiring all of the Elder characters (with the exception of the Prince and his retinue) to create a more level playing field. Once the neonates have fewer Elders looming over them in a stomp-circle, we think they'll start mixing things up even more so than they are right now. Fewer elders also means less incidence of 'take it to the top' syndrome. The Primogen are PCs, now - which is great - and we're even contemplating allowing a PC Prince - eventually. It really depends upon what the characters do. If they sit on their asses, then they'll be stuck with the Unholy Trio (the current Prince & Co.) until Doomsday. However, if the characters decide to take the initiative, well, we're very interested to see which way they go.
                Of course, that's not to say we won't stomp all over them if the court decides it want to go Sabbat or something. A Sabbat game I have no intention of running.
                Now, if we can just keep a couple of players from stomping on each others toes... Honestly, it's become such a regular habit for them, I don't think they're even aware of it any more. But Alex, Dave and I agreed that we are sick of being the playground-monitor for the individuals concerned, so our tolerance of the situations (which has probably contributed to the status quo) is about to decline, sharply... Why can't people say "It's just a game" and be done with it? I know, I know, because people aren't perfect and gamers more so than most...

                Friday should be my day to run the Pulp game I keep squealing about but, given the holiday season, the fact that it's the day before Game Six of Aragon and DJ's wanting to hold a party that night, to boot, I think we'll be skipping it. Drat. Ah well, it will just give me more time to puzzle out the final chapter of the campaign... I'm still trying to determine how to get the PCs to the League of Nations summit in Paris...

      ***

      November 21st

                An unexciting day today. Yesterday had the highlight of choosing the final design for Intelligent Capital's logo, letterhead and bizcards. As soon as Darren gets the high-end electronic version of the graphics to us, I'll be able to start seriously revamping the website. Mind you, to get that done, I'll need to get Photoshop onto my work machine, and that might take a while. The network settings are a little voodoo, you see, and it's almost impossible for me to install anything.
                Another minor highlight. I participated in a business decision! Although I suppose it would be more accurate to say that my opinion managed to coincide with the boss's. Rick had received a bizplan from a dot-com looking for someone to arrange financing (I can't say which company, sorry), and he asked me to take a look at it and give him some feedback. Figuring he just wanted a run-down on what the business did - which surprised me as Rick is pretty online-savvy - I started explaining that. Whereupon, he cut me off and asked me for my opinion about the company's future - if I thought they were worth financing or not. I hemmed and hawed a bit - what the hell do I know about how fit a company is to keep going? After all, they all look good on paper. Anyways... I hemmed and hawed a bit, and Rick finally prodded me into telling him that I thought they weren't worth it. The niche they're looking to fill is already flooded with competitors and nothing about their strategy or product struck me as particularly compelling. Add to that the fact that the executives didn't seem to have much (read: any) experience running an online venture and their head of web development was younger than some of the scotch I keep in the liquor cabinet and, well, it wasn't encouraging.
                "Cool." said Rick, "That's what I thought too." and he promptly tossed the bizplan into the circular file. I don't know if he was looking for reassurance or what, but he took the time to tell me about the kind of things you look for in an initial presentation that will tell you right off the bat whether a company is worth your time. I'm not precisely sure how often I'm going to be reviewing these things, but I've got a sinking feeling Rick intends to shuck the duty of reviewing unsolicited bizplans to me. Apparently he gets spammed by the little blighters on a regular basis. It could be worse, I suppose, I could be doing what my boss is doing and building our conference table this weekend...

                Sewing fiends! Larkspur Books has almost all of the Folkwear patterns, and a dozen of them at clearance prices. Given that I'm used to paying $5 for regular patterns at the store, the $20 - $25 cost of Folkwear patterns always gives me a nasty shock. Larkspur sells most of theirs for about $17, and the clearance patterns are $6.95. Yay! I picked up a couple that I had always been hankering after, but couldn't quite justify - particularly given that one pattern will have to wait for thinner days. It's a lovely dress, but not suitable for anyone bigger than a size ten... I also picked up a 1950's halter-top dress that made Alex go all distracted when he saw it at Lacis. Heh. I really want to grab their Model T Duster pattern. It's a gorgeous full-length coat from the late Edwardian era, but it would mean - gulp! - button holes. No, I still don't know how to sew the things. I suppose, for now, I can blame my buttonhole-incapable machine. Ha.

                Gaming Musings
                I think I've come up with my next character for Aragon. Love Anja as I do, I'm quite certain that, sooner or later, she's gonna get the vampiric equivalent of a bullet to the back of the head. So, I'm looking to the future. It should work out rather well, as Dave and Alex's story arc for Year Two calls for...oh crud, I really can't say. Too many Aragon players visit this site... Let's just say that a genuine lunatic will fit their bill quite nicely.
                No, I don't get to play Patricia. As much as I would like to, the Aragon Trinity has reluctantly decided to call it quits on cross-continuity characters, particularly for the GMs. We decided that the game was a bit elder-heavy, particularly as the elders haven't been doing much other than stomping on the neonates (or fleeing from the Archon, heh) and we've got a growing suspicion that some players believe we're using the game to grandstand with our particular 'darling' characters. That's only partially true - Alex adores playing Riley, and I know Dave is very fond of The Monsignor - but we're getting a sense that it's upsetting the players, so Riley is being retired and as for the The Monsignor, well, Anja isn't the only one who's on the list for a probable-nasty end. That'll be especially true once the playership realizes that the Monsignor is an even nastier piece of work than Anja is.
                Of course, it would be nice if the playership could tell us these things, rather than us relying on mind-reading, but what else is new? A GMs lot is not a happy one (cue: music).

      ***

      November 24th

                Spent Thanksgiving at Melissa's place. The Baker clan was very much in the minority, but that didn't really matter. Melissa, Dan and I had some nice chats and I had enough wine to start talking to the small mob of children that was running around. Of course, my methods of scolding tend to leave kids very puzzled - Jacob really didn't quite get me when I told him to quit acting like a molecule, bouncing offa everything. Still, it made him stop careening around for one dam' minute...

                Today is my high school's ten-year reunion. Yeah, the reunion I swore that I would be at, no matter what. Well, the car getting towed managed to scotch that plan with alacrity, although I doubt I could have swung an affordable ticket for this weekend, anyways. Still, I'm a bit down about it, which makes no sense as I'm 98% certain that I wouldn't want to spend any time with my former classmates. I didn't exactly like 'em back then, so I'm not very sure why I would want to fork over a large chunk of cash and time to see them, now. Intellectual curiousity was driving my desire to go, I think. That and a vague need to feel some more connection to my past than I have. Shit, I dunno. I'm not there, so I'm better off not brooding about it.
                And a good thing, too, seeing as how I utterly failed to lose any weight in the past year. ;)

                Most of today was spent running around running errands for Aragon. Thanks to it being the busiest shopping day of the year, two hours' worth of running around took twice that long. Alex and I even abandoned a couple of things when we saw the state of our target-stores, aiye. Even stopping by the fabric store to get some thread with which to hem a skirt took far too long. The place was stuffed with crafters laying in their Christmas supplies. Uck.

                Gaming Musings
                Ohboyohboyohboy. The Aragon game is tomorrow and I really hope the players have bothered to keep up with the newsletter. Alex, Dave and I have so much shit ready to unleash on the court that they're going to need every tool they can lay their hands on. And yes, my little darling Anja has continued to do a mind-job on Hilario. What fun! Of course, the fact that Hilario's player (Chris) is really enjoying it, too.
                In this month's moment of gamer-excess, I got my nails done - extensions, the whole nine yards. Typing this journal has been far more of a challenge than I need. The fact that the manicurist thrashed my fingers doesn't really help, either.

      ***

      November 26th

                Gaming Musings
                Oh, I'm one tired little black duck today. The Aragon game went really well last night but by the time all was said and done, it was 3AM. Oy...
                Surprisingly enough, the game just flew by, with no real slow patches (for me, at least) until near game-end, anyways. Annoyingly enough, I didn't have enough time to crank up the nasty-meter as much as I had planned. Ah well, that's what downtime is for...
                The players seemed to get into the 'bet something other than money' theme with the games-playing we had set up. The best discussion of stakes had to be when a Malkavian was insisting that his testicles should count as a raise to his opponent's right forearm, not a call. The other kindred at the table, though, did not agree with him. After all, what use has a vampire for testicles, aside from ensuring his pants don't fit funny?
                By the end of the evening, Anja had won a fistful of boons from a few PCs, and had lost a few, too. Apparently only half of those who owe Anja time are shaking in their shoes. I must be doing something wrong... They should all be shaking in their shoes. Anja is particularly looking forward to the time a big (BIG) Brujah owes her... During a game of 'questions' - everyone draw a card, high card gets to ask the rest of the group a question they must answer honestly - the aforementioned Brujah asked Anja how she intended to use the nine hours of his time that she had won from him in a poker game. "Oh, that's easy," said Anja casually. ": I'm going to stake you down, flay you until the bones show, lick your blood off the ground and maybe play with your skeleton a little. I suppose I'll heal you afterwards, too.". Apparently that wasn't the answer he was expecting. A good thing the Gangrel who owes me a life boon didn't ask the same question, as Johanna's imagination isn't nearly as nasty as Anja's...
                Anyways, Anja's tomfoolery aside, the seeds of many a nasty-plot have been sewn. It'll be interesting to see what springs up during downtime. I must admit, I wish the playership, in general, were more into between-game activity - as opposed to the two or three players who live and breathe it, versus everyone else who don't do a damn thing between games. We could move some plots a lot more quickly in the between-game interest level was higher. As it is, the plots have to be quite episodic, rather than ongoing, and long breaks between events can cause merry hell with the atmospherics.
                I'm babbling - more so than usual, I mean. Time for a nap.

      ***

      November 27th

                Somewhat recovered from the weekend, today, although Sunday's mid-afternoon nap proved to be a mistake when I spent the night tossing and turning, barely asleep. I can't win. And none of my dreams were worth recording, either. Bah.
                Watched Unbreakable last night, with Jen and Chris Brecheen. It was amusing and stylish. I probably would have had a much lower opinion of it if Dave hadn't prefaced it with "Just consider it a superhero-origin story.", which just about put me in the right frame of mind. The film was well made, granted, and it was refreshing to see the camera used as an active - rather than passive - tool in telling the story. But the story itself? Dreck. Still, with Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson in the cast, I could probably sit through a remake of The Sound Of Music without much complaint.
                The trailer for the upcoming Dungeons and Dragons movie was shown, too. Oh dear. It's obvious the entire budget was spent on paying Jeremy Irons and the visual f/x crew. The story, I suspect, was probably carved out of some module found down the back of Gygax's desk. Not that that's such a bad thing, after all. If a D&D film tried to overreach itself, it would be laughable. Well, more laughable. Of course, I'm going to see it. Given my husband and social circle, it would be pretty hard for me to avoid it... And, while others scarf Twinkies in private, I've got a nasty little habit of watching Jeremy Irons in almost anything - particularly when he obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about the project. He's such a hoot. Die Hard With a Veangance, for example, can keep me amused for an entire afternoon. Yeah, yeah, he's a serious actor, too. So was Leslie Nielsen...

                On the other end of the scale - I think - I just finished reading Anthony Burgess' The Wanting Seed for the nth time. Much like my experience with Dune, I get a little more out of the book each time I read it. Like every other Burgess book I've read, it's wickedly funny and sharp, but very dark, too... Unfortunately, I'm too dense to catch most of the nuances, I think, but I reccomend the novel, regardless.

                Gaming Musings
                The ongoing messing-with-Hilario continues apace in Aragon. I think, now, I have an inkling of why Alex enjoyed developing the Riley/Corianna relationship so much, back in the Darke Silver Theater days. This is a hoot! The fact that I'm being utterly wicked to a character is rather incidental. Alright, it's part of the fun - but so's the tightrope I've got Anja walking. One wrong slip and I'll have the Keeper of Elysium - and a few key others - flamingly pissed at the regime. What fun!
                Meanwhile, the usual core of machinating players have been, um, machinating. Information gleaned from the Unholy Trio's participation in a game of 'questions' (see yesterday) is busily being bartered back and forth between the neonates, while the Dukes-in-exile (rather, the ex Dukes) are busily trying to keep up with what's going on, without giving away their current locations. And some naughty vampire seems to be draining and dumping innocent women all over the territory - shock, horror! Ahh, now that's a Vampire game...

      ***

      November 28th

                A very quiet day, yesterday. Rick was in a client meeting in Sunnyvale all day, leaving me with not much to do other than try to tune in the 1980's station on our beat-up radio and re-tinker with the website designs. Unfortunately, I couldn't track down the 80's station (Bay Area 80's fiends: it's at 101.3FM, they went to a new format) until this morning. Bah. But, on the plus side, my boss doesn't mind my keeping it on while's he's in the office, as long as I promise not to sing along.
                Still not sleeping too well, and I'm having a hard time figuring out why. Part of it is that I have a tough time dropping off without my little hot-water bottle (aka, Alex) under the blankets with me. Since he can catch up on missing sleep on the BART - that fall-asleep-in-ten-seconds-or-less trick comes in handy quite frequently - Alex doesn't see much wrong with staying up until midnight. And I hate being the shrewish come-to-bed-now wife. I try to hold off the whining until 11:30 or so...
                And I've been dreaming a lot the past few nights. Nothing really worth writing down - although some of the smuttier bits certainly were memorable. If only I could build a story around that one involving the P.I, the Aragon characters and that very pretty church my head thought up. But once all the naughty bits were cut out, there wasn't much left... Anyways, I think all this bloody dreaming is wearing me out. No, I've never pretended that my life makes much sense.
                Coincidentally, Alex has been dreaming a lot lately, which is not normal for him. Well, he does dream, sometimes, but he hardly ever remembers what he dreams about. But he says he's been remembering more in the past couple of days. I wonder if dreaming is contagious?
                Admittedly, another factor would be all the writing I've done in the past twenty four hours. It's all gaming-related, though, so I'll save it for that section.

                One final note on Unbreakable: The Self-Made Critic over at Brunching Shuttlecock nicknamed the film "Die Hard With A Sixth Sense" and I think it's one of the most cogent metaphors for the movie I've run across. If you don't read SMC's film reviews, you should!

                Gaming Musings
                Did an online-chat session with Chris (player of Hilario) last night and had good time with that. I can't divulge too many details (hm) but suffice it to say that I should know better than to make certain jokes when playing a Tzimisce. "Hey, James," I said in another message-window. "Anja's got a new pinkie ring, and its name is Hilario!". I was joking, but how was James to know that? As far as he knew me - and Anja - I was speaking literally. Oops. That took a minute or two to clean up. Heh.

                After far too long a fallow period, Yvette and Paul finally quit stalling and let me write the next installment of Starting Over. It's been rumbling around in my head for a long time - close to a year, I think, but my little darlings were dragging their feet getting around to it. Not that I blame them, as the story hardly showers them with glory - although it does shower them with something else.
                Honestly, I think their reluctance was just an attempt to put off the next chapter, which I know is going to be difficult for all three of us. I know which way it should go, but I think I'm siding with Yvette on this one about where I want it to go. However, I don't know if that's really best for the series, nor do I think Paul is going to give up what he wants all that easily... Sigh...
                Do all gamers have such mouthy characters?

      ***

      November 29th

                So, I'm sitting on the number 22 bus this morning, desperately trying to stay awake and blearily peering out at the wonder that is the Mission district in the morning. A truck pulls up next to me. It's a smallish-sized tanker truck, with the legend "Modesto Tallow Company" emblazoned down the side. I take a second look at the truck. Yep, that's a pump truck, all right... And a large-mouthed, slightly grubby, hose running down the side. So, of course, I have to wonder: Who needs that much tallow? And what do they need it for? Some things shouldn't be considered too early in the morning.

                Yawn. I tried to get to bed early last night, but I had to wrestle with some work stuff - still no Photoshop on the work machine - until 11PM, and then I did my usual toss-and-turn routine until Alex came to bed. Damn, damn, damn. Still, the work stuff came out pretty well. Another 24 hours or so and I think the new website will be ready to unveil. And once I figure out how to export a  fershluggin' Publisher file to either Illustrator or Word without losing everything, the invitations for the 'train-warming' will be done, too. Yawn
                I think my subconscious is on overdrive again. I've been thinking about the writing I've done lately and future installments. Thinking about it rather a lot. Another day or two of this and I'll be talking in my sleep again. No wonder the cat bugs me in the middle of the night - he thinks I'm awake!
                Further on the writing front: Don, of Black Gate (gaming 'zine) finally dropped me a line after Jennifer introduced us virtually. It seems they still need people to write 'short' reviews (600 words or so apiece) and they're even offering to pay. Hmmm. Given that the only critique I've done lately is of Angel episodes (and that none too recently) I'm a little leery but I guess it's worth a try. Don asked to see some examples of my writing, so I sent him towards The Maternal Jackal as a source of my shorter bits. I'm now wondering if that was the smartest thing to do... Maybe I should have shoved him towards the Angel site. Decisions, decisions.

                Received an interesting note from a buddy, yesterday. He's got a fondness for high-camp and superheroines, so he's looking for some help to shoot a campy D/S superheroine video. Images of Supergirl and Batgirl chained up in a dungeon couldn't help but dance before my eyes. So of course, I've agreed to to help my friend (who shall remain nameless) find volunteers who might be amused by participating in such a project. If you're an aspiring Catwoman with a good sense of humor (and your own whip) drop me a line... Me? Good lord, no. My spandex days are over. I've even given away my beloved Huntress costume - to the then-girlfriend of this same buddy, go figure... :) My contributions are going to strictly behind the camera.

                Gaming Musings
                It only took six months, but it seems the Aragon characters have woken up a bit. One character has put a lovely little rant against the current regime into the newsletter - although he wasn't brave enough to sign the piece. Meanwhile, a few others are scurrying the background, trading boons and selling each other out - and how. I've never seen a more backstabbing crew. Yay!

      ***

      November 30th

                Okay, this whole sleep-dep thing isn't funny any more. Worse yet, I actually got a little more sleep than usual last night - Dave is taking a couple of days off so I'm not being woken up by his getting up at 6AM - but this morning was the worst yet for trying to get out of bed. Grr.

                Drat, no more goofing off at work. I've got Photoshop 6 and Illustrator 9 (aiye!) installed on the machine. Now, if only my books didn't refer to Photoshop 5.5 and Illustrator 8  I would be set. I don't think I'm too keen on Photoshop 6. The interface seems to have gotten a bit less user-friendly and I'm spending half my timing hunting around for tools that I had only just gotten used to on the older version. I see the purchase of a Dummies book in my immediate future.
                Otherwise, the office monotony was broken by the arrival of the first conference table. I dam' near broke myself, too, while helping Rick haul it into the office. Rick made the thing out of several slabs of mahogany, so it weighs a ton, and it just barely squeaked in through the front door. But I won't deny that it looks great. Rick put a little oil on the wood to help bring out the grain, and it's pretty as anything.
                The more I look around the train-car, the more annoyed I get by the expanse of white. I'm starting to think that just a few posters isn't going to do it. We might be allowed to paint the internal window-frames, which would be a big help, but I'm starting to think that the walls - at least in the large conference area - would benefit by being off-white, rather than stark white. However, I doubt I could do better than the admittedly half-assed job that was done the last-time around (by Carl, a lovely chap, but not a good painter) and it would take money and time that I think Rick would be happier not spending. Drat. Mind you, he's so neck-deep with a job right now, I'm starting to think he wouldn't notice if I started painting the place on my own initiative...
                I can't go into too much detail about the client - of course - but I'll relate one vaguely amusing incident. Yesterday, Rick had a two hour conference call with his partner and a couple of the muckety-mucks from the client's company, to go over a presentation they had put together to show potential investors. I was brought into the call to act as canary in the coal mine of Power Point slides.
                The client puts out a very techy product, and they have to cram a lot of information about what they do and why they believe they're going to dominate the market into anything they present - totally understandable, right? Right. What occasionally defied explanation were some of the more technical slides - and Rick realized that could be a potential problem. So I had to sit there and listen to the call while Rick occasionally peered at me to see at which slides my eyes glazed over - and glaze over they did. At that point, Rick would ask the clients about the value and intent of that particular screen. Unscientific, but it worked... 

                Oh hell. Brian is coming for a visit over New Year's and the spare room is still neck deep (and more!) in boxes. If I rent a dumpster for next weekend, the place might be clean in time. Alas, Alex has said we can't throw Dave out with less than thirty days' notice, just to make room for a weekend guest. Drat.

                I had one of those interesting late-night conversations with a friend of mine on the East Coast (yet another person who is remaining nameless until he okays anything different). Well, it was late at his end, it was only 10PM at my end of the world. But I digress... It seems the ongoing outbreak of BDSM awareness has reached the wilds of suburban New England, as my pal has recently discovered his dommish side. Now he's got to find a nice little subbie to play with. Poor sod. As might be guessed, the power-exchange scene in Connecticut isn't quite as extensive as it is in the Bay Area... Of course, it might help if his standards weren't quite so high... Sigh. Why does every aspiring dom want a twenty year old woman built like one of the thinner Spice Girls? Anyways, we had a nifty chat about resources and books. As I do with all aspiring scenesters, I shoved him towards Good Vibrations. Then I made the mistake of trolling through the site myself. Thank heavens I couldn't find my wallet... It's bad enough I found the local discount fabric store yesterday...
                On a similar theme my other-unnamed-friend - he of the incipient campy D/S superheroine video - has been sharing more details with me. The whole thing sounds like a grand hoot - providing he can find a couple of women with a very good sense of humor and a modicum of acting talent. I told him not to sweat the bondage skills - that can be taught in an afternoon. Somehow, I don't think my friend is going to have a shortage of guys wanting the minor parts of "Henchmen A & B."... Meanwhile, I think I just committed myself to editing the opus once it's done. Oh boy!

                Gaming Musings
                Not much to say. I've been too busy to keep up with Aragon, but it looks like Dave and Alex are on top of it for the meantime. Phew!

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